Uncensored - Steve Rannazzisi - Pot Cookie Before Takeoff Pt. 1

Steve Rannazzisi: Manchild Season 1, Ep 101 11/16/2013 Views: 7,936

Steve Rannazzisi's attempt to self-medicate his fear of flying does not go as he had planned. (2:12)

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THEY DON'T LET YOU SMOKE POTON PLANES,

THEY JUST DON'T.

WHAT I USED TO DO IS,

I USED TO EAT A POT COOKIEON THE WAY TO THE AIRPORT

SO, YOU KNOW, BY THE TIMETHE PLANE TOOK OFF,

IT WOULD KICK IN,AND MY ANXIETY WOULD BE OKAY.

BUT HERE'S THE PROBLEM --

THE POT-COOKIE BUSINESSIS NOT A REGULATED INDUSTRY.

THERE'S NO QUALITY CONTROLWHATSOEVER.

YEAH. NABISCO DOESN'T MAKEPOT COOKIES.

I DON'T KNOW WHATTHOSE KEEBLER ELVES ARE DOING

IN THAT FUCKING TREE,

BUT IF YOU THINK ANYBODYWOULD MAKE A POT COOKIE,

IT'D BE AN ELFTHAT LIVED INSIDE OF A TREE.

BUT THEY DON'T.THEY'RE LAZY.

POTHEADS MAKE POT COOKIES,SO IT'S NOT AN EXACT SCIENCE.

[ LAUGHTER ]

YEAH. I'VE HAD SOME BEFOREWHERE NOTHING HAPPENED.

ALL I GOT WAS CHOCOLATEIN MY TEETH.

I ATE ONE, THOUGH, ON THE WAYTO THE AIRPORT THIS ONE TIME,

THAT, AS SOON AS I ATETHE COOKIE,

I HAD THAT WARM SENSATIONCOME OVER MY BODY LIKE,

"OOH! YOU JUST MADEA BAD DECISION!"

[ LAUGHTER ]

MY WIFE WAS DRIVING METO THE AIRPORT.

IT WAS AN EARLY FLIGHT,LIKE 5:30 IN THE MORNING.

AND AS SOON AS WE GOTIN THE CAR,

I WAS LISTENING TO THE RADIO,

AND I THOUGHTTHAT KATY PERRY'S "FIREWORK"

WAS THE GREATEST SONGIN AMERICAN HISTORY.

I WAS LIKE, "BABE,WHO WROTE THIS SONG?

"THIS IS INSPIRATIONAL!

THIS MAKES ME FEEL GOODABOUT MYSELF."

AND THEN THE PARANOIASTARTED TO SET IN.

I WAS LIKE, "OHH. OHH.

"UM, COULD YOU JUSTDROP ME OFF AT THE TARMAC,

"BECAUSE I DON'T THINKI'M GONNA BE ABLE TO HANDLE

THE BUILDING PART TODAY."

SHE DUMPS ME OFF AT THE CURB.

I'M STARING AT THE AIRPORT LIKEA KID ON THE FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL

WHO DOESN'T REALLYWANT TO GO IN YET.

I'M LIKE, "OOF.THIS ISN'T GONNA WELL AT ALL."

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THEN I STARTEDLOOKING AROUND.

I WAS LIKE, "ALL RIGHT.

"JUST RELAX AND JUST DOWHAT EVERYONE ELSE IS DOING.

JUST BE NORMAL."

SO, NOW I'M WALKINGINTO THE AIRPORT,

AND I THINK I'M SAYING THISTO MYSELF,

BUT OUT LOUD I'M GOING,"I WALK LIKE OTHER PEOPLE WALK."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"OTHER PEOPLE WALK LIKE ME,AND I WALK SIMILAR TO THEM --

SIMILAR, SIMILARLY."

[ LAUGHTER ]

AND THEN I GOT IN,THE TSA GUY LOOKS RIGHT AT ME,

AND I'M LIKE, "UHP! UHP!HE KNOWS EVERYTHING.

HE KNOWS I'M HIGH."

[ LAUGHTER ]

"HE KNOWS MY HOPES AND DREAMS,MY DICK SIZE --

"THIS GUY KNOWS IT ALL.

MIGHT AS WELL JUST STARTAIR-ARRESTING MYSELF RIGHT NOW."