Greg Behrendt - Junk Food

  • Season 4 , Ep 7
  • 01/14/2001
  • Views: 8,940

Can you deep-fry the bacon? (3:59)

I'M NEVER GONNA GET THERE,

AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY.

I LOVE (BLEEP) FOOD.

OH, GOD, I LOVE IT.

I MEAN THE (BLEEP) THE BETTER.

"CAN YOU DEEP FRY THE BACON?

(LAUGHTER)

CAN YOU DEEP FRY IT?

(APPLAUSE)

CAN YOU?

I'D LOVE IT IF YOU WOULD.

DEEP FRY THE--"

I WILL EAT ANYTHING THAT IS DEEP

FRIED.

YOU DEEP FRY THIS CHAIR,

I'LL TAKE A WHACK AT IT.

(LAUGHTER)

YOU PUT MAYONNAISE AND BACON ON

MY FIST, I'LL TAKE A BITE.

OH, GOD!

BUT WORSE, WORSE THAN GREASY

FOOD, I LOVE SWEETS.

OH, GOD, SWEETS.

CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE, CAKE.

HAVE YOU EVER JUST THOUGHT--

JUST THINK ABOUT CAKE FOR A

MINUTE.

OH, IT'S A MIRACLE.

OH, MY GOD, IT'S SO GOOD.

I WILL GO ANYWHERE IF YOU SAY

THE PHRASE "THERE MIGHT BE

CAKE."

"MIGHT."

NOT EVEN DEFINITELY.

THERE "MIGHT" BE CAKE.

I'LL GO TO THE D.M.V.

I'LL REGISTER YOUR CAR IN

SPANISH.

LET'S GO!

THERE MIGHT BE CAKE!

OH, THAT CAKE IS MUY BUENO.

OH.

(APPLAUSE AND CHEERING)

HERE'S MY FAVORITE, THOUGH.

READY?

THIS IS MY FAVORITE THING OF

ALL.

READY?

THE CADBURY EGG.

OH.

OH!

THE CADBURY EGG.

GEEZ.

A CHOCOLATE, CREAM-FILLED EGG

WHEREIN THE CREAM IS MADE TO

LOOK LIKE THE INSIDE OF AN

ACTUAL EGG.

IT'S LIKE A TOY.

IT'S LIKE A FOOD AND A TOY!

OH, MY GOD.

IT'S SO GOOD.

AND THE PEOPLE AT CADBURY

DECIDED TO GO AHEAD AND MAKE TWO

DIFFERENT, OTHER FLAVORS:

CHOCOLATE AND CARAMEL.

OH, GEEZ.

AND BECAUSE THEY ONLY COME ONCE

A YEAR, AT EASTER-- RIPPED LIKE

JESUS AT EASTER.

AT EASTER.

AT EASTER.

THAT'S WHEN THEY COME.

THAT'S WHEN THE CADBURY EGG

COMES.

SO I AM TALKING TO SOME

FRIENDS-- OR SOME SO-CALLED

FRIENDS-- AND I SAY, "OH,

MY GOD.

IT'S ALMOST EASTER.

YOU KNOW THE CADBURY EGG IS

COMING."

(LAUGHTER)

AND MY FRIEND-- OR SO-CALLED

FRIEND-- SAYS, "YEAH.

HMM, I DON'T REALLY-- I DON'T

REALLY LIKE THE CADBURY EGG."

(LAUGHTER)

"WHAT?"

"YEAH. I DON'T CARE FOR IT TOO

MUCH.

IT'S KIND OF, UM-- THEY'RE

HEAVY, YOU KNOW?

THEY'RE TOO BIG.

I WISH THEY MADE THEM SMALLER.

THEY'RE TOO BIG."

"TOO BIG?

TOO BIG?

MY FRIEND, I WISH THEY WERE

SO BIG THAT YOU HAD TO PUNCH

THROUGH THE CHOCOLATE SHELL

TO GET THE CARAMEL OUT.

I WISH THEY WERE SO BIG YOU HAD

TO OPEN THEM LIKE THE HATCHBACK

OF A CAR AND FLIP THEM OPEN SO

THEY MAKE TWO GIANT,

BATHTUB-SIZED CARAMEL BATHTUBS

THAT YOU GOT IN AND ATE THE

CARAMEL OUT.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU

(BLEEP).

GET OUT!"

(CHEERING AND APPLAUSE)

OH, I HAVE LESS FRIENDS,

BUT I HAVE MORE CADBURY EGGS.

(LAUGHTER)

I'M GETTING MARRIED IN TWO

WEEKS.

(APPLAUSE)

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.

(SIGHING)

YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?

CAKE!

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

WHAT DO THEY HAVE THERE AT THE

END?

A GIANT CAKE.

WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN FOR THE PAST

5 MINUTES?

CAKE!

GOD, IT'S SO SIMPLE.

IT'S RIGHT THERE.

A HUMAN-SIZED CAKE AT THE END.

"YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

I LOVE YOU, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

WHOOSH!"

(APPLAUSE)

Loading...