Gregg Rogell - The Little Things in Life

  • Season 7 , Ep 24
  • 07/31/2003
  • Views: 11,794

You know what the secret to life is? It's learning to appreciate all the little things. (2:57)

Gregg Rogell: YOU KNOW WHAT

THE SECRET TO LIFE IS?

IT'S JUST LEARNING HOW

TO APPRECIATE ALL THE LITTLE

THINGS.

MIDGETS.

[LAUGHTER]

NEXT TIME YOU'RE WALKING DOWN

THE STREET, YOU SEE A MIDGET,

PICK HIM UP.

GIVE HIM A LITTLE HUG.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY'LL PUT UP A LITTLE FIGHT,

YOU KNOW.

LITTLE LEGS KICKING IN THE AIR

THERE.

"PUT ME DOWN.

I GOTTA GET TO WORK.

SOMEBODY GOTTA MAKE THOSE

DELICIOUS COOKIES."

[LAUGHTER]

THEY DO.

THEY MAKE DELICIOUS COOKIES,

THE MIDGETS.

THEY HAVE LIMITED JOB OPTIONS,

YOU KNOW.

EITHER THEY WORK FOR KEEBLER OR

YOU SHOOT 'EM OUT OF A CANNON.

[LAUGHTER]

IT'S OKAY YOU CAN LAUGH.

NO MIDGETS COME OUT TO THE

COMEDY CLUBS ANYWAY.

MAYBE THEY HAVE THEIR OWN CLUB.

WE JUST CAN'T SEE IT.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M JUST KIDDING.

IT IS THE LITTLE THINGS IN LIFE

THAT ARE IMPORTANT: A GOOD MEAL,

FRESH FALLEN SNOW.

THE LOOK IN A YOUNG CHILD'S FACE

RIGHT BEFORE YOU HIT HIM.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT'S JUST A JOKE.

DON'T HIT YOUR KIDS.

THEY GOT GUNS NOW.

[LAUGHTER]

KIDS ARE TOUGH NOW.

"WHAT'S THE MATTER,

LITTLE JIMMY?"

"BILLY TOOK MY ICE CREAM CONE.

SO I HAD TO CREEP UP ON HIM

AND BUST A CAP IN HIS PUNK ASS."

"WHOA."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"YOU GOTTA QUARTER?"

"YEAH, NO PROBLEM, JIMMY."

"THOSE ARE NICE SHOES YOU'RE

WEARING."

[LAUGHTER]

KIDS GOT GUNS.

NUMBER TWO CAUSE OF DEATH AMONG

TEENAGERS IN AMERICA TODAY

ARE GUNS.

YOU KNOW THE NUMBER ONE CAUSE

OF DEATH?

NOT HAVING A GUN.

[LAUGHTER]

IN ENGLAND, THE POLICE DON'T

EVEN CARRY GUNS.

ISN'T THAT AMAZING?

HOW DO YOU CATCH CRIMINALS

WITHOUT GUNS?

[ENGLISH ACCENT] "ALL RIGHT,

WE'VE GOT THE PLACE SURROUNDED."

[LAUGHTER]

"RED ROVER.

RED ROVER!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

SEND THE BAD GUY OVER.

HOLD TIGHT, IAN."

(BLEEP) IAN EVERY TIME.

[LAUGHTER]

HOW DO THEY TAKE THE COPS

SERIOUSLY OVER THERE?

THEY DON'T CARRY GUNS,

AND THEY WEAR THE BIGGEST HATS

ON THE PLANET.

THE HATS ARE LIKE THIS TALL.

HOW DO THEY FIT IN THE

SQUAD CARS WITH HATS THAT BIG?

"QUICK, NIGEL, HE'S GETTING

AWAY.

[HEADS KNOCK] OH!

[LAUGHTER]

WELL, SCREW IT.

WE'LL HAVE A BEER.

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