Paul Mecurio - Bargain Basement Stores

CC Presents: Paul Mercurio Season 8, Ep 23 05/20/2004 Views: 4,189

Paul shops at bargain basement clothing stores now. (2:16)

I NEED YOU GUYS IN MY BEDROOM.

[LAUGHTER]

HELLO!

THANK YOU FOR THAT.

THANK YOU SO MUCH.

THAT'S GREAT.

YOU GUYS SOUND TERRIFIC.

YOU LOOK GREAT.

YOU LOOK LIKE YOU HAVE JOBS.

YOU'RE DOING WELL.

GIVE ME SOME MONEY.

[LAUGHTER]

NO, SERIOUSLY, I GOT NO MONEY.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

IT HIT ME LAST WEEK HOW POOR

I AM.

IT WASN'T THE BILLS.

I DON'T KNOW.

IT WAS THESE PANTS.

I PUT 'EM ON.

I HADN'T WORN 'EM IN A WHILE.

I REACHED INTO THIS POCKET,

FOUND A $10 BILL.

YOU KNOW THAT FEELING, THAT

MOMENT IN TIME, RIGHT?

YOU GET SO EXCITED ABOUT 10

BUCKS.

THAT'S WHEN YOU KNOW YOU'RE

POOR.

[LAUGHTER]

RIGHT?

YOU'RE LIKE, "WHOO, $10.

"I'M THE RICHEST MAN IN THE

WORLD.

TWENTY MORE OF THESE AND

THEY'LL TURN MY ELECTRICITY

BACK ON."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS HOW BAD IT IS FOR ME

NOW.

I'M SHOPPING AT THESE BARGAIN

BASEMENT CLOTHING STORES.

CAN YOU DO ME A FAVOR AND SIGN A

PETITION?

I WANNA CHANGE THE NAME OF ALL

THESE PLACES TO--

"CRAP THAT WAS UGLY AT FULL

PRICE AND IS STILL UGLY AT HALF

PRICE."

[LAUGHTER]

SHORT SLEEVE SUITS.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

BURLAP UNDERWEAR.

I HAD A SALESMAN WITH THREE

TEETH, THREE TEETH, I WAS

MESMERIZED BY THEM, THOUGH,

'CAUSE YOU THINK WITH ONLY

THREE TEETH HE'D HAVE TIME

TO MAKE 'EM THE THREE CLEANEST

TEETH IN THE COUNTRY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

NO, NOT THIS GUY.

ONE WAS CRACKED.

SECOND ONE WAS BROWN.

THIRD ONE HAD A RETAINER.

[LAUGHTER]

THEY HAVE SECURITY IN THESE

STORES.

THERE'S A MAN STANDING AT THE

DOOR.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT THAT

MEANS?

SOMEBODY MADE A LIFE DECISION

OUT THERE THAT THEY'RE WILLING

TO RISK GOING TO JAIL TO STEAL

SOMETHING FROM A BARGAIN

BASEMENT CLOTHING STORE.

SAY, PAL, WHAT ARE YOU IN FOR?

THESE SEQUIN CULOTTES.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]