Dan Mintz - Standing Ovation

Reep, Mintz, Fowler, Lampanelli Season 8, Ep 0804 03/04/2005 Views: 5,815

A standing ovation is not the best way to honor someone in a wheelchair. (1:52)

I TOOK THIS GIRLTO DINNER

AND I HEARD THAT WOMENLIKE IT WHEN YOU ORDER

FOR THEM.

SO I WAS LIKE, I'LL HAVE THESPECIAL.

AND SHE'S NOT GETTING ANYTHINGTONIGHT.

[LAUGHTER]

I LIKE TO BE ROMANTIC WITH WOMEN

BUT THERE'S JUST SOMETHING ABOUTMY VOICE THAT KIND OF RUINS IT.

I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHAT IT IS,BUT I'LL BE LIKE, "YOU LOOK

REALLY BEAUTIFUL IN THEMOONLIGHT TONIGHT".

[LAUGHTER]AND SHE'LL SAY, "ARE YOU GONNA

RAPE ME?"[LAUGHTER]

MY PARENTS ARE GETTING OLD ANDSICK.

I THINK I MIGHT HAVE TO PUT THEMIN A NURSING HOME.

I FEEL REALLY BAD, THOUGH'CAUSE I LIVE WITH MY PARENTS

AND I DON'T WANT TO LIVE IN ANURSING HOME.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I SAW THIS GIRL IN A WHEELCHAIR

GIVE A SPEECH.

IT WAS A REALLY GREAT SPEECH,REALLY INSPIRATIONAL.

AT THE END EVERYONE GAVE HER ASTANDING OVATION.

I DON'T KNOW IF A STANDINGOVATION IS REALLY THE BEST WAY

TO HONOR SOMEONE IN AWHEELCHAIR.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

DON'T WORRY. IT'S OKAYFOR ME

TO MAKE FUNOF HANDICAPPED PEOPLE.

WHEN I WAS EIGHT YEARS OLD,I HAD TO DO A SCIENCE PROJECT

BUT MY DAD JUST DID IT FOR ME.

I DIDN'T CONTRIBUTE AT ALL.

I THINK THE TEACHER KIND OFFIGURED OUT WHEN THE PROJECT

WAS CALLED "IS MY WIFE CHEATINGON ME?"

[LAUGHTER]