Speed Roasting - The Color Purple - Uncensored

  • Season 2 , Ep 2
  • 01/15/2013
  • Views: 7,970

Jeff Ross speed roasts audience members that look like Pakistani George Lucas and weird Crispin Glover. (2:57)

-Speed roasting.

Who's volunteering.

Fantastic.

This guy right here?

All right, stand up, due.

Can you?

What's your name, sir?

-Jeff.

-I don't want toscare you, but there's

a squirrel attackingyour face right now.

NATASHA LEGGERO: Are you surethat's a squirrel on his-- I

thought it was aKardashian's pussy.

-Wow.

-Jeff Beacher, what'shappening to man?

How you doing?

-This is my buddy, Jeff Beacher,from Beacher's Madhouse.

DAVE ATTELL: I haven't seen aventriloquist act in a while.

-You guys look great.

Who's this?

Your dinner?

Beacher, thanksfor coming, buddy.

-It's an honor, Jeff.

Thank you.

-I think your son has thatBenjamin Button disease.

-You're a good man.

We'll see you soon.DAVE ATTELL: Wait.

Wait.

-I'm sorry.

I'm nervous.

Midgets scare me.

What the fuck doyou want from me?

-Go over here to thePakistan George Lucas.

This guy.

-What's your name?

-Gabe.

DAVE ATTELL: Exactly.

-I didn't know Ken Burnshad a love child from India.

What's going on over here?

-Dave, leave him alone.

His beard is 53and his hair is 15.

-Wow.

-Oh, look.

We've got the Verizon guy.

DAVE ATTELL: Nice.

Sit me next to "The ColorPurple," my favorite book.

-Come here.

How you doing?

Yeah.

You look amazing.

Oh my goodness.

Wow.

You dress like peanutbutter every other weekend.

-Sometimes.

-You are dressed like thecolor of your favorite soda.

-What's your name?

-Candace.

-Give Candace of love for com--

DAVE ATTELL: Beautiful.

-You have a boyfriend, Candace?

-Yes.

Matt.

-This guy right here?

DAVE ATTELL: Wow, how muchdo you hate your father?

I want to talk tothe Situation's dad.

-What's your name?

-Gabriel?

-[babbles]

-Yeah, Gabriel.

-Where you from, the Gabriel?

-Uh, Costa Mesa.

-How's that going?

-Uh, it's pretty good.

DAVE ATTELL: Ididn't know they had

a Costa Mesa inBrooklyn, New York.

Look at that guy.

-I've got CripsinGlover over here.

DAVE ATTELL: This guy's great.

-Except more weird.

What is this?

-The book I wrote.

DAVE ATTELL: Yeah,he knew-- Wait.

He broght a book 'causehe seen the show.

He knows how bored--You guys together?

-My son.

-That's your son?

DAVE ATTELL: Right.

I mean yeah.

-Your head make mewant to thumb wrestle.

All right, give it upfor all my volunteers.

That was super fun.

You guys are the best sports.

One more time forJudah Friedlander,

Dave Attell, Natasha Leggero.

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