Lewis Black - BJ's Count

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 12/21/1998
  • Views: 7,638

If curling is an Olympic sport, oral sex should be too. (2:39)

THIS COUNTRY HAS FINALLYLOST ITS MIND.

( scattered applause )

I KNOW EXACTLY THE MOMENTTHAT IT OCCURRED.

I WAS IN MY APARTMENT.

I WAS WATCHING TV.

IT WAS JANUARY.

AND THE PRES...

AND IT WAS ANNOUNCED...

IT WAS ANNOUNCED THAT THEPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

MAY OR MAY NOT HAVE HADORAL SEX WITH A 21-YEAR-OLD

IN THE WHITE HOUSEAND THAT THAT--

AND NOW I'M QUOTING--"WASN'T THE BAD NEWS."

( laughter )

WHAT WAS THE BAD NEWS?

THE BAD NEWS WAS

HE MAY HAVE MADE HER LIE.

OOH!

( laughter )

AT THAT POINT, I WENT DOWN

TO THE INTERNATIONAL HOUSEOF PANCAKES

'CAUSE I NEEDED TO PUTMY TEETH INTO SOME PANCAKES

BEFORE THEY REACHED AROUNDTO TRY TO EAT MY BRAIN!

( laughter )

THE NEXT DAY

THIS COUNTRY WENT NUTS.

NEXT DAY A DISCUSSION STARTED

AND IT WAS...

AND IT TOOK PLACEIN EVERY OFFICE.

IT WAS IN ALL MEDIA.

IT WAS EVERYWHERE.

AND THE DISCUSSION WAS

IS ORAL SEX ADULTERY?

AND I KEPT THINKING

DID I MISS A DAYAT SCHOOL SOMEWHERE?

( laughter )

I KNOW I DIDN'T PAY ATTENTION

BUT AT WHAT POINT DID THEPRINCIPAL ANNOUNCE THAT...

DID HE COME ON, LIKE, A THURSDAYAFTERNOON AND SAY

"YOU KNOW, TOMORROW YOU'LL BEHAVING FISH STICKS FOR LUNCH

AND I WANT YOU KIDS TO REMEMBERTHAT B.J.s DON'T COUNT."

( laughter )

IS ORAL SEX ADULTERY?

YES!

THERE IS NO DISCUSSION!

IF CURLING ISAN OLYMPIC SPORT...

THEN ORAL SEX IS ADULTERY.

AND ORAL SEX SHOULD BEAN OLYMPIC SPORT.

WHY?

BECAUSE IT'S HARDER THAN CURLING

AND IF YOU'RE ANY GOOD AT IT,YOU DESERVE A MEDAL.

( laughter and applause )

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