Okay, guys, thank you.
There's a crazy situationgoing on in Oakland right now,
and for once,it's not Raiders fans.
There is no acting police chiefin Oakland right now.
Instead, the departmentis under civilian control.
-(laughter, groaning)-Civilian control?
You really wantto do that, Oakland?
-Have you met civilians?-(laughter)
They're the whole reasonwe have police!
All right, so Oaklandfinds itself in this situation
after losing three chiefsin nine days,
all in the wakeof some shocking scandals.
WOMAN: Things first began to unravel in September
after an officer killed himself and left a suicide note
claiming several officers were having sex
with a teenage prostitute.
Um, the aftermath
of a sex prostitution-copsuicide
is when things started to unravel?
If 14 cops are having sex withthe same underage prostitute,
I really don't think yourdepartment is "raveled."
Well, maybe the bright side isthat we're talking about cops,
and there's no racism involved.
In additionto the sex abuse claims,
there's also a separateinvestigation
into racist text messagesthat were sent between officers.
Yes! I mean, what?!
Honestly, I mean,with all this going on,
it's no wonderthey keep losing police chiefs.
Now, for more, we turn toOakland's newest police chief,
Officer Bob Miller.
(cheers and applause)
Now, Officer Miller,with this sex scandal
and allegationsof racist text messages,
do you think you'll ever be ableto regain the community's trust?
Yes, Larry.Now that I'm in charge,
we're going to conductinternal investigations
to ensurethis never happens again.
Well, that's good,
but 14 officerswere allegedly involved,
so what exactly are you doing toroot out this culture of abuse?
That's a good question, Larry.
That's whyI've got all my officers
just watching porn all day.That's what they do.
Wait. Watching porn all day?
Now I know it's a littlecontroversial, but it works.
That way,when they're out in the field,
their guns will be loadedbut their tanks will be empty,
if you know what I mean.
-I'm talking about ejaculating.-Yeah, I know what you mean.
I knew exactly what you meant.
And I don't knowwhy you had to say that.
How did you even get this job?
We were just askingthe same thing, Larry.
Wait a second.Um, who are you?
I'm the new, new police chief,Officer Johnson!
Officer miller was just caughtwith a group
of teenage prostitutes,so he had to go.
Wait. Just now?
You mean in the middleof the interview?
-Yeah. Hey, man, things go downquick in Oakland. -(laughter)
Oh, you know, speaking of which,just a second.
I solemnly swear to blah,blah, blah, blah. And done!
And done? That's an oath?
Okay, okay, so now,
you're the new, new policechief, I guess.
Officer Johnson--is that right?
Uh, no, no, no. Uh,Officer Johnson's been gone
for at least... (sputtering)five seconds.
-(laughter)-I'm Officer Wilson,
the new, new, new police chief,
and I am here to stay.
Uh, what did Officer Johnson do?
What didn't she do?
More specifically, who didn't she do? Am I right?
Yeah. Up top. Yeah.
-Okay. Yeah.-That is not funny.
Maybe not, but the textI just sent you sure is.
-(phone chimes)-Oh. Okay.
-Um... Oh, upside down.-Yeah.
"How do you stopan Oakland police chief
from having sexwith teenaged girls?"
Ugh! I don't know.
(laughs)Neither do I! Yeah!
-(laughter)-And I resign.
-You're dabbing out?-(applause and cheering)
Why did you just dab?
Wait. Now there's no Oaklandpolice chief at all.
Oh, actually,that's not true, Larry.
Police chief's right here.How you doing?
Wait. You're back?You were just fired, right?
Yeah, it's good news.I got off on a technicality.
They could not prove it was me,even though it totally was.
-(laughter) -Okay, now,you just admitted it, though.
Oh, damn it. Well, looks likeI got to resign.
-It's been a good run.Thank you. -Wait.
This was not helpful at all.
The Oakland police chiefs,everyone.
-(applause and cheering)-Yeah.
We'll be right back.