Mark Normand - Day Jobs

  • Season 3 , Ep 1
  • 07/20/2012
  • Views: 7,203

Mark Normand never learned how to mop. (1:45)

I USED TO WORK AS A JANITOR.

THAT WAS A ROUGH GIG. MOPPINGFLOORS, CLEANING BATHROOMS.

I WORKED AT THIS SWANKYLAW OFFICE IN MIDTOWN.

NOBODY LOOKED ME IN THE EYE.NOBODY TALKED TO ME.

I REMEMBER ONE DAYI WAS MOPPING THE FLOOR,

AND A BUSINESSMAN SLIPPED.

AND HE GOES, "JESUS, MAN,IF THE FLOOR IS WET,

YOU GOTTA PUTA SIGN DOWN."

I'M LIKE, "I'M MOPPINGIN FRONT OF YOU.

(laughter)

I AM THE SIGN.

YOU KNOW, THE LITTLE GUYON THE SIGN DOING THIS?

THAT'S ME BUT IN 3-D."

(laughter and applause)

OH, BOY.

THE WORST PART WAS THAT MY BOSSCHEWED ME OUT AFTER.

HE'S LIKE," COME ON, MARK,YOU'RE EMBARRASSING ME THERE."

I'M LIKE, "YOU'RE EMBARRASSED?

I WENT TO COLLEGE.LET ME HAVE THIS ONE."

THEN HE'D SAYSTUFF TO ME LIKE,

"HEY, WHERE'D YOULEARN HOW TO MOP?"

I DON'T KNOW,"FANTASIA"?

(laughter)

WHO LEARNS MOPPING,YOU KNOW?

I HATE THE DAY JOB.

I HATE--I'VE HADSO MANY OFFICE GIGS.

I DON'T FIT INAT AN OFFICE SETTING.

YOU GOTTA BE VERY PC,VERY APPROPRIATE.

I'M NOT A PC GUY.I'M A COMEDIAN, YOU KNOW?

LAST DAY JOB I WAS TALKING TOTHIS GUY AT THE FRONT DESK.

I WAS DELIVERING THE MAIL,AND I WAS LIKE, "HEY, MAN,

WHAT'S THE NAME OF THAT NEWGUY ON THE FIFTH FLOOR,

THE REALLY TALL BLACK GUY?"

AND THIS GUY GOES, "WHOA...

I DON'T SEE COLOR."

I WAS LIKE, "REALLY,DID YOU REALLY JUST SAY THAT?"

DID THAT REALLY JUSTCOME OUT OF YOUR FACE?"

SO I LOOKED THIS GUY RIGHTIN THE EYE,

AND I WAS LIKE,"HEY, MAN, IT'S COOL,

I'M BLACK."

(laughter)

AND HE WAS LIKE,"NO, YOU'RE NOT,"

AND I'M LIKE, "AH-HA!"

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