Michael Ian Black - Parental Supervision

Michael Ian Black: Very Famous Season 1, Ep 101 08/06/2011 Views: 4,702

The adults in Michael Ian Black's neighborhood have turned Halloween into their own personal booze cruise. (1:53)

WHEN I WAS GROWING UP

WHEN WE WENTTRICK-OR-TREATING,

THERE WAS NO, LIKE,PARENTAL SUPERVISION.

LIKE, WE WOULD GET HOME,

WE WOULD PUT ONOUR HALLOWEEN COSTUMES,

WE WOULD GO OUTTRICK-OR-TREATING,

AND WE WOULD BE GONEFOR DAYS.

LIKE, WE MIGHT NOT GET BACKUNTIL THANKSGIVING.

BUT IT'S NOT LIKE THATANYMORE.

LIKE, YOU HAVE TO CHAPERONEYOUR KIDS

EVERYWHERE YOU GO.

AND SO THE WAY THAT THE ADULTSIN MY COMMUNITY

HAVE LEARNEDTO DEAL WITH THIS

IS THAT THEY HAVETURNED HALLOWEEN

INTO A BOOZE CRUISE.

SO ONE OF THE PARENTSWILL FILL

ONE OF THEIR CHILDREN'SLITTLE RED WAGONS

WITH ALCOHOL.

AND WE WILL TRUNDLE ITTHROUGH THE NEIGHBORHOOD

AS OUR CHILDRENGO DOOR-TO-DOOR,

COLLECTING CANDY FOR USTO EAT LATER THAT NIGHT

WHEN THEY GO TO BED.

AND LIKE I SAID,I DON'T REALLY DRINK.

SO, YOU KNOW,I JUST DRINK, YOU KNOW,

A COUPLE OF SLUGSOF WINE OR SOMETHING,

AND I AM HAMMERED.

LIKE, I AM JUSTOUT OF MY HEAD IMMEDIATELY.

I JUST HAVE TO SMELL IT,AND I'M JUST LIKE,

"WHAT'S HAPPENING?"YOU KNOW.

AND THAT WOULD BEOKAY, I GUESS,

EXCEPT THAT I GET EMOTIONAL,YOU KNOW.

AND THEN MY KIDS COMES BACKFROM A HOUSE WITH LIKE,

"LOOK WHAT I GOT,"AND IT'S SOME PIECE OF, LIKE,

[bleep] GHETTO CANDYTHAT I DON'T WANT.

AND I'M LIKE, "WHAT IS THIS?

"DADDY DOESN'T EAT CHUCKLES.

"YOU GO BACK THEREAND YOU TELL THEM

"YOU WANT A SNICKERS BAR!

"YOU GO BACK TO THAT HOUSE

AND YOU TELL THEM YOU WANT..."

[high-pitched]"A MOTHER[bleep] SNICKERS BAR!"

YOU KNOW, HE'S CRYING.

I'M CRYING.

YOU KNOW, AND THEN I SEETHIS LITTLE FIGURE

EMERGING FROM THE SHADOWS

HOLDING A SNICKERS BAR,

AND I GO UP, AND I'M,"I'M SORRY.

"SHH...

SHH, I'M SORRY."

YOU KNOW, STROKING HIS HEAD."SHH..."

THEN I REALIZE IT'S NOTMY KID THAT I'M HUGGING.

VERY DIFFICULT TO EXPLAIN THATAWAY, YOU GUYS.