Kurt Braunohler - Red Hair

Kurt Braunohler: Trust Me Season 1, Ep 1 03/04/2017 Views: 1,023

Kurt Braunohler laments his transformation from a redhead to a blonde and ponders the mysteries of ginger-on-ginger sex. (1:27)

Watch Full Episode

I had red hair as a child,

and now it's going blondelike some piece ofshit asshole.

I just look like a news anchorall the time.

But you guys don't know,like, when you're a kid

and you have red hair, you're,like, the only white minority

with, like, weird stereotypesabout him.

Like, oh, he knows wherethe best carrots are buried.

Well, now...

It's gotta go blondlike some little league coach.

Like, I'm gonna get youa great loan on a gay mortgage.

And then-- And also,before I got married, I never--

I never knew--

I never Biblically knew a womanwith red hair.

Isn't that a creepy wayto say (bleep)?

And I never will,'cause I love my wife dearly.

But also, I'm fine with it

'cause I don't thinktwo redheads have ever (bleep).

I don't-- I don't think it'shappened, plain and simple.

Like, what would happen?

Do their, like, pubic hair

just whisper secretsto each other in Gaelic?

You know?

All the dogs in the neighborhoodwould start singing.

And not howling, but, like,

doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo-doo.

All the old people would feelyoung again like "Cocoon."

But here's the--

Here's the reason I don't think

a redheaded man and a redheadedwoman have ever boned.

Here's the reason.

It's because every womanwith red hair,

she's like, a ten,she's a model.

And the best you can sayabout a man with red hair

is that he's goofy looking.