Tom Papa - Crazy People

  • Season 11, Ep 9
  • 02/15/2007
  • Views: 15,977

I DIDN'T EVEN THINK I WAS GONNA HAVE KIDS.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE JUST GOING ALONG AND YOU'RE LIKE, "WEE, THIS IS FUN,

LET'S GET DRUNK." AND NOW ALL OF A SUDDEN--

- BUP, BUP. - [LAUGHTER]

IT'S INSANE THESE DECISIONS YOU HAVE TO MAKE.

IT'S CRAZY. I WISH I WAS CRAZY. CRAZY PEOPLE

SEEM TO ENJOY THEIR LIVES MORE THEN WE DO. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THEIR WHOLE HEAD IS JUST A COMEDY CLUB. IT'S TRUE.

THEY JUST ENJOY THEMSELVES.THERE'S A GUY IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD

HE SPRAY-PAINTS HIS WHOLE CAR ALL THESE DIFFERENT COLORS,

FILLS THE INSIDE UP WITH EMPTY COKE BOTTLES TO THE ROOF.

HE DRIVES AROUND. HIS HEAD LOOKS LIKE

A HAIRY PRIZE INSIDE A GUMBALL MACHINE. WHAT'S ON HIS CALENDAR?

I BET IT'S A LOT MORE FUN THEN YOURS.

YOU WAKE UP IN THE MORNING, "AH, I GOTTA GO TO THE BANK."

HE'S LIKE, "I NEED MORECOKE BOTTLES FOR MY ROCKET SHIP.

- BUSY, BUSY DAY." - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THEY BASICALLY LOOK AROUND THEY'RE LIKE,

"ALL RIGHT, LOOK, LIFE IS A GAME.

I OBVIOUSLY HAVE NO CHANCE OF WINNING. I QUIT."

"I'M NOT PLAYING ANYMORE.

"YOU GET DRESSED UP AND GO TO WORK EVERYDAY, FINE.

"I PUT PEANUT BUTTER ON MY LIPS AND TALK TO SQUIRRELS.

YOU SAY, 'HELLO'WHEN YOU SEE STRANGERS.I YELL, 'SNOW PANTS!'"

[LAUGHTER]

WHEN I WAS YOUNGER, I USED TO SEE THE CRAZY GUY OUTSIDE

IN OPEN ROBE AND SLIPPERS YELLING STUFF AT THE SKY.

AND I USED TO THINK,"HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN?"

NOW I'M LIKE, "NAH, I CAN SEE IT."

'CAUSE I'M AROUND MY PLACE THAT WAY.

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN US, I HAVEN'T GONE OUTSIDE YET.

AND I THINK WE'RE ALL JUST THREE REALLY BAD DAYS IN A ROW

FROM TAKING IT OUTSIDE,THREE REALLY BAD DAYS,

ONE AFTER ANOTHER. LOSE YOUR MONEY,

LOSE YOUR LOVER-- THIRD DAY WOULDN'T EVEN TAKE MUCH,

JUST A LITTLE DEODORANT ON THE OUTSIDE OF YOUR SHIRT.

BOOM!

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