here with a messageto Angelina Jolie,
our benefactor this week,Donald Trump.
(cheers and applause)
-Hi, Chuck. How are you?-You know my name is Chris.
-(soft music playing)-First of all, Angelina,
I know whatyou're going through.
Divorce is the best.
It's a lot, a lot,a lot, a lot of fun.
-(laughter)-I've been through several.
And let me tell you,they go by so fast,
-so savor every moment.-(laughter)
-And can I say something, Chuck?-Well, you're already talking.
-Can I? Can I say something?-Yeah, you are talking already.
I'm gladthat you've finally done
what all of Americahas been wanting for years
and dumped that scruffypretty boy loser.
Honestly, his moviesare absolute garbage.
Although, I did have a fewlaughs during 12 Years a Slave.
-(audience groaning)-Well, that's not a...
-That's a terrible thing to say.-So much fun. So much fun.
-It's not fun at all.-TRUMP: So much fun, Chuck.
-It was not fun at all!-So much fun, Chuck.
And let me tell you,the timing is perfect
because I am about ready to geta new wife, and it could be you.
-(laughter) -I mean,what have you got to lose?
What are you talk...?You're married!
-Hey, have you seen Melania?-Yes! She's beautiful!
Have you seen...? No,she's a complete and total mess.
-I don't... -Okay? I already?-(audience groaning)
-These people are horrified.-TRUMP: They love me.
Are you kidding me?
I wear my mother's pearlsas a (bleep) ring.
Imagine, imaginea luxurious life as first lady,
constantly making love to me.
And I'm a human pileof candy corn,
melting on the dashof a dump truck.
And I'd do you right.I'd do you right.
Angelina, I promise,
I'd love your internationalgroup of babies
like they were my own.
-My own little bowl of Skittles.-(laughter and groaning)
Just think of the things
I could get away withif I was surrounded
by your littlecommunity college catalogue
-of multicultural bonbons.-(laughter)
Angelina, let's make marriagegreat again!