Donald Trump's Next Wife: Angelina Jolie?

Tuesday, September 20, 2016 09/20/2016 Views: 1,080

With the news that Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are getting divorced, Donald Trump (Anthony Atamanuik) sees an opportunity for his next conquest. (2:12)

here with a messageto Angelina Jolie,

our benefactor this week,Donald Trump.

(fanfare playing)

(cheers and applause)

-Hi, Chuck. How are you?-You know my name is Chris.

-Wonderful.-(laughter)

-(soft music playing)-First of all, Angelina,

I know whatyou're going through.

Divorce is the best.

It's a lot, a lot,a lot, a lot of fun.

-(laughter)-I've been through several.

And let me tell you,they go by so fast,

-so savor every moment.-(laughter)

-And can I say something, Chuck?-Well, you're already talking.

-Can I? Can I say something?-Yeah, you are talking already.

I'm gladthat you've finally done

what all of Americahas been wanting for years

and dumped that scruffypretty boy loser.

Honestly, his moviesare absolute garbage.

Although, I did have a fewlaughs during 12 Years a Slave.

-(audience groaning)-Well, that's not a...

-That's a terrible thing to say.-So much fun. So much fun.

-It's not fun at all.-TRUMP: So much fun, Chuck.

-It was not fun at all!-So much fun, Chuck.

And let me tell you,the timing is perfect

because I am about ready to geta new wife, and it could be you.

-(laughter) -I mean,what have you got to lose?

What are you talk...?You're married!

-Hey, have you seen Melania?-Yes! She's beautiful!

Have you seen...? No,she's a complete and total mess.

-I don't... -Okay? I already?-(audience groaning)

-These people are horrified.-TRUMP: They love me.

Are you kidding me?

I wear my mother's pearlsas a (bleep) ring.

(laughter)

Imagine, imaginea luxurious life as first lady,

constantly making love to me.

And I'm a human pileof candy corn,

melting on the dashof a dump truck.

(laughter)

And I'd do you right.I'd do you right.

Angelina, I promise,

I'd love your internationalgroup of babies

like they were my own.

-My own little bowl of Skittles.-(laughter and groaning)

Just think of the things

I could get away withif I was surrounded

by your littlecommunity college catalogue

-of multicultural bonbons.-(laughter)

Angelina, let's make marriagegreat again!