Dov Davidoff - The President Is High

  • Season 11 , Ep 5
  • 01/25/2007
  • Views: 11,987

It's not a political statement, left or right, but the president is high. (2:44)

THE PRESIDENT IS HIGH.

I MEAN I'M NOT MAKING A POLITICAL STATEMENT.

I'M NOT SAYING LEFT OR RIGHT.

I'M JUST SAYINGTHE GUY IS HIGH.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WE HAVE AN $8 TRILLION NATIONAL DEBT.

I DON'T EVEN THINK HE BELIEVES THAT'S A REAL NUMBER, YOU KNOW?

YOU KNOW THAT WINK HE HAS THAT ALWAYS--

YOU KNOW SOMEBODY SAID SOMETHIN'.

SOMEBODY WAS LIKE,"MR. PRESIDENT, WE HAVEAN $8 TRILLION DEBT."

AND HE IS LIKE, "UH-- [CHUCKLES] YOU KNOW.

"8 TRILLION BILLION BAZILLION. AND CALL ME SHERIFF, BOY.

I TOLD YOU, CALL ME SHERIFF."

HE'S DIRECT, THOUGH.THE MAN SAYS WHAT'S ON HIS MIND.

I SAW HIM IN AN INTERVIEW AND A JOURNALIST SAID,

"MR. PRESIDENT, ANTI-AMERICAN SENTIMENT IS UP 900 PERCENT."

AND HE IS LIKE, "I GOT GUNS, BITCH."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU KNOW-- THAT'S A-- SHERIFF. "I'M THE SHER-IFF!"

[INHALES] "SHER--!"

I DON'T KNOW. OUR MILITARY IS RUNNING THIN.

THINGS ARE-- HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW COMMER--

AND I WOULD NEVER KNOCK THE MILITARY.

BUT THE COMMERCIAL TO GET YOU TO JOIN IS INSANE.

HAVE YOU SEEN THE NEW COMMERCIAL TO GET YOU TO JOIN THE MILITARY?

THERE'S TWO AMERICAN SNIPERS ON A HILL-- JOHNNY--

AND THEY'RE LOOKING AT THESE TERRORIST AND THE VOICE-OVER SAYS--

"YOU HAD ENOUGH SUPPLIES FOR FIVE DAYS. IT'S DAY 12. DO YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES?"

AND I WAS LIKE-- "NAH. WHAT DO YOU MEAN, MAN?"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS, WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

THANK YOU. WHY NOT JUST SAY WHAT IT IS.

YOU KNOW YOU'RETIRED AND UNCOMFORTABLE.YOU GOT THE RUNS.

THERE'S NO TOILET PAPER.YOU'RE BEING SHOT AT.

BACK HOME YOUR GIRL, SHE MAY BE BANGIN' OTHER GUYS.

YOU WANT IN? YEAH! SIGN ME UP, MAN. I'M ON MY WAY.

LUNATICS. EVERYBODY'S CRAZY.

THE PRIEST WON'T STOP BANGIN' THE KIDS.

[LAUGHTER, OH'S AND APPLAUSE]

"OH" WHAT? OOH.

THAT'S GOING ON?WE GOTTA FACE UP TO IT.

BUT YOU KNOW YOU START THINKING ABOUT THIS.

LIKE FIRST IT WAS THE PRIESTS. AND THEN THEY HAD THE THING

WITH THE BOY SCOUTS.AND THEN IT WAS MICHAEL.AND NOW IT'S THE PRIEST.

IT SEEMS LIKE EVERY TIME ADULTS--

THEY'RE REALLY HANGING OUT WITH THESE BOYS,

IF THIS STUFF IS SO PREVALENT, MAYBE WE SHOULD STOP POINTING

THE FINGER AT THE ADULTS, START LOOKING AT THESE SEXY-ASS BOYS.

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