Juston McKinney - Maine

  • Season 12, Ep 16
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 3,668

Do you know why I pulled you over? Do you know how to get back to Rt. 111? (2:13)

I ACTUALLY SPENT A FEW YEARS ASA SMALL TOWN COP IN RURAL MAINE

- UP IN THE WOODS.- WOO!

- YEAH. DON'T "WOO!"- [LAUGHTER]

IT WAS UP IN THEMIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

I TALK ABOUT GET LOST.I DIDN'T KNOW WHERE I WAS.

IT WAS 14 TOWNS,500 SQUARE MILES.

ONE TIME I PULLED THE GUY OVERTO ASK WHERE I WAS.

[LAUGHTER]

THAT WAS EMBARRASSING. I'M LIKE"YOU KNOW WHY I PULLED YOU OVER?

YOU KNOW HOW TO GETBACK ON TO ROUTE 111?"

HE'S LIKE, "NO, I'M LOST, TOO.THIS MAPQUEST SUCKS."

"ALL RIGHT.LET'S SET UP A ROADBLOCK.

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS A REALLY GOOD COP,THOUGH, MAN. I WAS.

I TREATED EVERYBODY GOOD.I NEVER DID ANY RACIAL PROFILE.

I NEVER WOULD, YOU KNOW?I HAD A BLACK GUY COME UPTO ME AFTER A SHOW ONCE.

SAID, "YOU REALLY A COP?" "YEAH,I DID IT FOR ALMOST 5 YEARS."

HE'S LIKE "YOU EVERMISTREAT A BLACK MAN WHILE YOUWERE UP THERE WORKING?"

"I NEVER SAW A BLACK MANWHILE I WAS UP THERE WORKING."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S UP IN THE WOODS IN MAINE.

I HAD A BETTER CHANCEOF SEEING BIG FOOT...

DRIVING...A SNOWPLOUGH...IN AUGUST...ON A LAKE.

YOU PEOPLE AREREALLY STAYING WITH MEON THAT. THANKS.

YOU GUYS LIKED THAT,HUH? ALL RIGHT.

I'M JUST MAKING STUFF UPAT THE END.

I'M LIKE-- BIG FOOT.I'M WITH HIM.

- I'LL GO ALONG.- [APPLAUSE]

I WAS. UP IN THEMIDDLE OF NOWHERE.

THE WOODS, MAN--IT WAS LIKE--

AND HERE'S THE THING.I HAD TO QUIT, MAN.

IT WAS DANGEROUS.AND I KNOW YOU'RE THINKING,

"HOW DANGEROUS COULDTHAT HAVE BEEN UP INTHE WOODS IN MAINE?"

WELL, IT WAS DANGEROUS.YOU KNOW WHY? DEER.

EVERYBODY HUNTS.EVERYBODY HAS RIFLES.

YOU KNOW WHAT COLORMY UNIFORM WAS? ALL BROWN.

IS THAT SOME KINDOF A SICK JOKE?

WHY DON'T YOU GLUE SOMECOTTON BALLS TO MY ASS,

HAVE ME WALK ALONGTHE TREE LINE.

OH, WHAT COULD GO WRONG HERE?

LET ME TAKE A SIPOUT OF A BROOK. HUH?

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

I'M TOO WIMPY TO BE A COP.LOOK AT ME.

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