I JOINED THE HEALTH CLUB,AND THAT'S INTIMIDATING.
THEY ALWAYS HAVE SOME BIGGIANT GUY SHOWING YOU AROUND.
"HEY, THINKING OF JOINING HERE,FOLLOW HIM."
I FELT LIKE A LITTLE MONKEY.
"WHERE ARE WE GOING,THUNDER?"
THEY GAVE ME A CLIPBOARDFOR MY FIRST DAY.
CAN YOU FEEL LIKE MOREOF A LOSER WITH A CLIPBOARD?
"I'M NEW.
I'M SUPPOSED TO CHECK THINGSAS I SEE 'EM."
[laughter]
AND I THINK THE GUYWAS MAKING UP MUSCLE NAMES
JUST TO PLAY GAMES WITH ME,YOU KNOW.
THIS MACHINE RIGHT HERE--IT'S FOR YOUR FLACK-TOID.
[laughter]
THAT'S THE TOIDI'M WORKING ON.
AND THEN HE LEAVES.
I DON'T REMEMBERANYTHING HE SAID.
ALL I KNOW IS I DON'T THINKI EVER FELT SO ALONE IN MY LIFE.
I'M IN A HEALTH CLUBWITH A CLIPBOARD,
AND NOBODY'S TALKING TO ME,YOU KNOW.
I HAD BLACK SOCKS ON.
ALL I KNEW IS I DIDN'TWANT TO FOLLOW THESE BIG GUYS
THAT ARE ABLE TO MOVE THEENTIRE RACK OF PLATES, YOU KNOW.
I DON'T WANT TO GO NEXTAND BE MOVING ONLY TWO PLATES.
CLANK.CLANK.
CLANK.
"I'M THE TWO-PLATE GUY."
CLANK.
"WHO WANTS TO SPOT ME?"
CLANK.
[applause]
SO I GET AWAY FROM THESE GUYS,
AND I GO OVERTO THIS OTHER AREA
WHERE THERE'S NOBODY AROUND,AND I GOT INTO THIS ONE THING,
BUT I GOT INTO IT WRONG,APPARENTLY.
I DON'T WHERE YOUR ARMS AND LEGSARE SUPPOSED TO GO,
SO I JUST GET IN THERE,AND I JUST START MOVING STUFF.
[laughter]
THIS GUY COMES UP--
"HEY, BUDDY,WOULD YOU MIND
GETTING OUTOF THE PAINTERS SCAFFOLDING?"