John Oliver - The Power of Swearing

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 03/25/2011
  • Views: 16,703

Don't tell John Oliver that swearing is wrong. He has seen its healing properties. (2:43)

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IT CAN DO GREAT THINGS.I CAN PROVE THIS TO YOU.

RECENTLY, I WAS ON FLIGHT.

I WAS ON AN AIRPLANE,AND I WAS SITTING IN THE ROW

IN FRONTOF 3 8-YEAR-OLD BOYS.

I PRESUME THEY WERE FLYINGWITH THEIR PARENTS.

IF I'M HONEST, I NEVER ACTUALLYSAW THOSE PARENTS.

SO THEY MIGHT HAVE JUST BEENTAKING A VACATION

FROM KINDERGARTEN,I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW.

"ROUGH TERM.ROUGH TERM.

"AND THIS COMMUTEIS KILLING ME.

"WHY AM I GOING TO KINDERGARTENTHREE STATES AWAY?

CRAZY."

BUT THEY WERE JUST TALKINGTO EACH OTHER THROUGH THE FLIGHT

AND BEING CHARMING, AND I WASJUST LISTENING TO THEM.

AND THEN THIS ONE AMAZINGEXCHANGE TOOK PLACE

THAT I'VE NEVER BEEN ABLETO FORGET.

'CAUSE ONE LITTLE BOY TURNEDTO THE KID NEXT TO HIM AND SAID,

"I HATE YOU."

(laughter)

THE OTHER BOY LAUGHED AND SAID,"NO, YOU DON'T.

"NO, YOU DON'T.YOU DON'T MEAN THAT.

YOU DON'T HATE ME."

AND HE SAID,"OH, NO, NO.

"OH, I MEAN IT.

I ABSOLUTELY HATE YOU."

AND THIS KIDWAS DEVASTATED.

HE STARTED CRYINGTHOSE KIND OF TEARS

YOU CAN ONLY SOBAS A CHILD.

YOU KNOW, WHERE YOU'RE ALMOSTHYPERVENTILATING.

IN GRIEF, HE WAS SAYING,"I DON'T... KNOW...

"WHY... YOU...HATE... ME.

"I... DON'T... KNOW...WHAT... I... HAVE... DONE...

TO... MAKE...YOU... HATE... ME."

(wheezing sobs)

AND THEN SOFTLY,

SO QUIETLY YOU HADTO STRAIN TO HEAR IT,

HE SAID, (sobs)

"(bleep)."

AND THE FIRST BOY HEARD HIMAND SAID,

"HOLD ON.DO YOU SWEAR?"

AND HE SAID, "YES."AND THEY WERE FRIENDS AGAIN.

(laughter and applause)

DON'T TELL ME SWEARINGIS WRONG.

I HAVE SEENITS HEALING PROPERTIES.

I HAVE TESTIFIED.

NEW YORK, CAN I GETA (bleep) WITNESS?

(cheers and applause)

WELL. WELL.

YES! YES!

I HAVE A BELIEVERIN HERE.

THE PERFECT THINGTO SHOUT OUT THERE.

(bleep) YEAH!

I FEEL IT!I FEEL IT.

WOW, IT TURNS OUT PREACHINGIS EXACTLY AS EASY AS IT LOOKS.

ISN'T THAT INTERESTING?

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