Montez vs. Karl

  • Season 3, Ep 9
  • 07/24/2012
  • Views: 77,835

Karl finally gets the fight he's been looking for. (3:12)

- HEY, SO WHAT'S NEW, GUYS?

WELCOME TO MY NEW LIFE HEREIN THE RAP MASSAGE VAN,

WHERE I GIVE HOMELESS PEOPLEFREE BUM RUBS.

- GOD, IT SMELLS LIKE, UH--- IT'S LIKE--

- LIKE--- UM--

- WELL, IT SMELLS LIKE YOU'REMASSAGING HOMELESS PEOPLE.

- YEAH, THAT'S--- THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT IT SMELL--

THAT'S A GOOD WAYTO DESCRIBE IT.

- ALL RIGHT, NOW LOOKIT, MAN,WE GOT SOUP KITCHENS,

PLACES FOR HOMELESS PEOPLETO EAT.

BUT WE DON'T HAVEMASSAGE KITCHENS,

PLACES FOR MASSAGESTO GO DOWN ON HOMELESS PEOPLE.

- HEY, KARL,I'M SORRY TO INTERRUPT,

BUT WE HAVE AN OPPORTUNITYFOR YOU AND IT'S PRESSING.

- SHH!- I'M SORRY.

KARL, WE'D LIKE TO YOU JOIN USAT THE XZIBIT CONCERT.

INTERESTED?

- I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOTABOUT WHAT YOU GUYS SAID,

AND YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT,YOU KNOW.

TRYING TO FIND MY INNER PEACE.

AND RIGHT NOW,I'VE KIND OF FOUND IT

IN THIS DUDE'S GIANT BACK.

I'M LOVIN' IT,I'M LOVIN' IT.

SO, UH, I'M GONNA HAVE TO SAYNA-NAY-NO, MY BROTHERS.

- NO, KARL.COME ON, DUDE.

ALL YOU GOT TO DO IS PRETENDLIKE YOU WERE HAVING SEX

WITH OUR CO-WORKER'S WIFE,

AND THEN HE'S PROBABLYGONNA BEAT YOU UP,

JUST LIKE YOU WANTED.

- CAN MIKE COME?

- ♪ GET DOWN, TURN AROUNDSHOW ME WHAT YOU GOT ♪

♪ YOU A POW POW JUGGERNAUTTAKE IT UP A NOTCH ♪

♪ ALL MY GUYS,WOW, TAKE HIM OUT ♪

♪ LET ME TAKE A SHOT

- THERE'S YOUR BOY.

[rap music blaringfrom headphones]

- I WANT YOU TO COME HEREAND SEE THIS.

- WHO ARE YOU CALLING?- IS THIS THE DUDE?

- AM I THE DUDE?YEAH, I'M THE DUDE, MAN.

I'M THE DUDE, HOMEY.

I'M THE ONEWHO'S BEEN GIVING YOUR WIFE

THE STINKY [bleep], MAN.

SO WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?JUST PUNCH ME RIGHT HERE, MAN.

I WANNA BE YOUR BITCH.- HIT HIM.

- YUP, MAKE HIM BLEED.- WHOO!

- I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHATWAS SHE SAYING ABOUT ME?

- HOLD ON, WHAT YOU--WHAT YOU SAY?

- I SAID,WHAT WAS SHE SAYING ABOUT ME?

- WHAT WAS SHE SAYING ABOUT YOU?UH...

OH, DUDE, SHE WAS SAYING THATYOU HAVE A TINY LITTLE DICK.

ALL RIGHT,LIKE A TOOTSIE ROLL, MAN.

WHILE I HAVETHE CHARLESTON CHEW,

THE KING-SIZED VERSION,

AND YOU KNOW YOUR BITCHHAS A SWEET TOOTH.

all: OH!- HE'S GOT HIM!

- YEAH! WHAT'S UP, NOW?HIT ME. HIT ME, MAN.

- I'M MORE REFERRINGTO HER EMOTIONAL NEEDS.

- EMO--NO, THERE'S NOTHINGEMOTIONAL ABOUT IT, MAN.

YOU DON'T GET IT.YOU CAN'T "F" RIGHT,

AND I GAVE HERTHE DUNKING DONUT,

AND THEN IHAD THAT BITCH DOING

CIRQUE DU SOLEIL [bleep]ALL OVER THE ROOM.

MAN, SHE CREAMED HER PANTIESFOR ME.

- OH!- GOD DAMN IT!

- AND GUESS WHATSHE CALLED ME, MAN.

SHE CALLED ME THE KING.

I'M KING KARL.SAY IT, MIKE.

- HE THE KING.- I'M--SAY IT, MIKE.

- HE'S THE KING!

- ONE MORE TIME, MIKE.- HE THE KING!

- I'M THE KING, MAN.AND GUESS WHAT.

YOU JUST THE PRINCE, MAN.

YOU PRINCE "MONTED.""MONTED," YOU A BITCH.

OKAY? AND THAT BABYIN YOUR WIFE'S STOMACH?

GUESS WHAT, MAN.- TOO FAR.

- THAT'S MINE, DUDE.SORRY, BUT YOU'RE NOT A DADDY.

YOU'RE NOT A DADDY.NOW HIT ME, MAN.

- YOU KNOW WHAT?I'M GLAD YOU HERE,

'CAUSE I WANT YOU TO SEE THIS.

- COME ON, MAN. YOU GET FIRST.YOU GET NUMBER ONE.

COME ON, TED.

- UGH!- OH!

- HELL, YEAH, BITCH.

- OKAY.- YUP, YOU GOT HIM. THAT'S IT.

- GOOD TO GO.- OH! YEAH.

- LOOK WHAT YOU GOT ME DOING,WOMAN!

LOOK WHAT YOU GOT ME DOING.- [laughing]

- OH, THAT'S GONNA BRUISE.- TEZ, STOP IT! STOP IT!

- [laughing]- I WISH I WAS DEAD!

GIVE THAT--OH! OH!- KARL, YOU KNOW--

- KARL! WAIT!TEZ, I'M THE CHEATER.

- WHAT?[groans]

- OH, OKAY.- [laughs]

OH, JESUS.THIS IS A DILDO.

THAT'S A DILDO, GUYS.OH, GROSS, MAN.

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