Natasha Leggero - Just Business

  • Season 15
  • 03/17/2011
  • Views: 46,222

Bragging that you had sex with a prostitute is like bragging that you got some chips from a vending machine. (2:15)

Don't be--Don't be intimidated

by my outfit.

It's "Forever 21."

Thank you.

Uh, hello!

It's so great to be here.

Uh, I justbroke up with a guy.

It's so sad--I know.

It's so sad.

When you breakup with a guy

why do the guysget so upset?

It's like,it's just business.

[audience laughing]

It's hard breakingup with them,

'cause youhave to be like,

"Listen, you'verun out of money."

[audience laughing]

I know it's hard tolisten to comedy right now

with all these environmentaldisasters going on.

It's so sad.

Can you believe we'rerunning out of diamonds?

[audience laughing]

How are we gonnamake more diamonds?

The only way I knowhow to make a diamond

is to jerk offan old man.

[cheers and applause]

Hi--There you are, sir.

Right here--Yeah!

[cheers and applause]

It's whyI wear the gloves.

[audience laughing]

I just got backfrom Vegas.

There's so manybros in Vegas.

Like, these guyswill brag about anything.

I was in Vegasand this guy was like,

"Yo, had sex with aprostitute last night, bro."

Okay, bragging that you hadsex with a prostitute is like

bragging that you got somechips from a vending machine.

[audience laughing]

So, I'm atthe dance club,

and these girls are runningaround and they're like,

"Let's get retardedin here."

I'm like,"Mission accomplished."

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

I don't understandwhat's happening with music.

What arethese songs?

They make no sense.

"I'm Fred Flintstone

"I'm gonna makeyour bed rock."

[audience laughing]

Huh?

And then the chorusto that song is this,

like, little11-year-old girl.

She's like, "I'm gonna put my[deleted] on your sideburns!"

[audience laughing]

[cheers and applause]

Okay, if you think that'swhere your [deleted] goes,

you're too youngto be having sex.

[audience laughing]

Am I right, people?

[cheers and applause]

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