Jim Gaffigan - Pale and Bald

  • Season 1, Ep 2
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 16,894

Balding is God's way of saying, "Let's see him get laid now." (1:52)

I'M BALD...BLIND...AND PALE.

I'M LIKE A GIGANTICRECESSIVE GENE.

IT'S THE FIRST THINGPEOPLE NOTICE ABOUT ME.

I COULD BE SKIPPING DOWNBROADWAY, JUGGLING DILDOS;

THEY'LL GO LIKE, HEY LOOK ATHOW PALE HE IS.

HMM REMINDS ME,WE NEED MILK.

I CAN'T WEAR SHORTS, WHEN I WEARSHORTS PEOPLE ARE LIKE,

HEY I'M TRYING TO EAT HEREBUDDY,

AND YOU GOT THOSESAUSAGE LEGS...

IT STINKS CAUSE PEOPLE THINKYOU'RE UNAWARE OF IT.

YOU'RE GOING TO JAMAICA?YOU SHOULD WEAR SUNSCREEN.

OH REALLY I'VE NEVERBEEN OUTSIDE.

SHOULD I WIPE MY ASS WITHA RAKE, I'M A MORON.

ALL SUMMER LONG, THERE'SALWAYS ONE PERSON COMING

TO ME...ALL SUMMER.DO YOU TAN?

DO YOU TA- DO I LOOKLIKE I TAN?

THAT'S LIKE GOING UP TO AHOMELESS PERSON AND GOING,

HEY DO YOU VACATION IN EUROPE?

WHAT WOULD BE A GOODHOUSEWARMING GIFT?

I'M GOING BALD.

DON'T GET ME WRONG, THERE'S NOBOOST TO THE EGO QUITE LIKE

THE ONE YOU GET FROM PUTTINGSUNSCREEN ON THE TOP OFYOUR HEAD.

OH YEAH LADIES...HERE I COME.

WHAT'S THAT SMELL?

THAT'S SPF 45ON MY CABEZA.

THAT'S DISGUSTING.

OH YEAH.

I LIKE TO THINK BALDING ISSIMPLY GOD'S WAY OF SAYING,

NOW LET'S SEE YOUGET LAID, EH?

HEY JESUS GET DOWN HERE, LOOK ATTHIS SACK OF (BLEEP) STRUGGLE.

ISN'T THAT CUTE, HE'SGRABBING PORNOGRAPHY.

LET'S HAVE SOME HAIR GROWOUT OF HIS EARS FOR NOW.

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