Gabriel Iglesias - Trip to the Sex Shop

Mark Viera & Barry Brewer Season 3, Ep 2 10/11/2014 Views: 10,163

Gabriel Iglesias recounts the time that he and his friend Martin Moreno avoided the Texas heat by visiting a sex shop. (2:01)

Not-not everybody can

handle toys.

No, no, no, not everybody.

Not everybody's readyfor toys, but...

No, no, no.But if you are,

you know, it doesn't hurtto go to the shop.

Like, you took meto the sex shop the other day.

No, no, no. No, hey, hey, hey!

Hey, that didn'tsound right.

Hey, hey, hey, hey!

Hey! Hey!

Look at everybody'salmost mad now.

Like, "Fluffy, say it ain't so!

"Tell me you're nota sucio like Martin.

"Tell me you're not dirty

like him."

Let me tell you guyswhat happened, okay?

I did not take himto a sex shop, okay?

The sex shop just happenedto be in the same parking lot

as this restaurantwe went to go eat at, okay?

Here's what happened.

We went to go eat at this place.

It was amazing.We walk outside, and, um,

I'm stuffed, Martin's stuffed,

and he goes,"Hey, look what's next door."

I go, "Oh, yeah,big deal, dude."

You know, it's this placein Dallas, Texas,

called Condom Sense.

Which is an amazing catchy namefor a, you know,

a place "like that."

You know what I mean?

And, uh, he goes,"Let's go check it out."

I go, "Dude, I-I'm good, bro."

And he goes,"Man, it's freaking hot."

And I go,"Well, let's get in the car."

And the car wouldn't start.

We're freaking burning up,so I'm like,

"I bet you anything there'sgood AC in that, you know,

"in that shop.

Let's go over there."

And I get closer,

and I start getting recognizedin the window.

I'm like,"I'm not going in there."

And Martin goes,"Come on, go with me!"

I'm like, "Oh, great."

So we walk inside,

and as soon as we walkinto this shop,

that freaking little sensorat the door--

you know...(imitates sensor dinging)

In my head, I hear,

"Pervert."

Yeah, Yogi, I wasn't feeling it.

I was like, "Ah,

"you know what,I don't need anybody

taking pictures of mein this type of place."

So I tell Martin, "Hey, bro,I'm out. I'll be outside."

And he goes,"Come on, bro, go with me."

I said, "Dude, man, nah.This is not cool."

(chuckles) And then this guyleans over the counter,

and he sees Martin and Istanding there,

and he goes, "Get in here,you two. Get in here!

It's a party, couples only!"

And I'm like, "Oh, my God,Martin, he thinks we're gay."

I said, "I'm going outside."And then Martin

yells at me, "Go with me!"

And I'm like,"Great, he's yelling at me.

That makes me the bitch."