Jeff Dunham - Peanut the Woozle - Giraffes

  • Season 7 , Ep 22
  • 07/17/2003
  • Views: 2,081

Peanut the Woozle thinks a giraffe that collapsed, threw up and died is funny. (2:49)

UTAH.

"AH, YES, SALT LAKE CITY, UTAH.

KIND OF A SAD TRIP TO SALT LAKE

CITY."

YEAH.

"'CAUSE APPARENTLY, THERE AT THE

LOCAL ZOO, THEY'VE BEEN HAVING

TROUBLE WITH THEIR GIRAFFE

POPULATION."

YES.

"AND THE DAY BEFORE WE GOT

THERE, THEY LOST ANOTHER

GIRAFFE."

YES.

"APPARENTLY THIS GIRAFFE

GOT SICK, COLLAPSED, THREW UP

AND DIED."

VERY SAD, YES.

NOTHING FUNNY ABOUT THAT.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU FOUND SOMETHING FUNNY

WITH THAT?

WHAT?

"THE THROWIN' UP PART."

HOW IS THAT FUNNY?

"A GIRAFFE THROWING UP?

THINK ABOUT IT.

WOULD TAKE FOREVER!"

[THROWING UP NOISES]

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

"YEAH.

WE WERE TALKIN' TO A GIRL IN THE

FRONT ROW THERE WHO FOR A LIVING

WAS A DENTAL HYGIENIST."

YEAH.

"SHE WAS HOT.

SHE HAD HUGE--"

EYES.

"--EYES.

YOU-- EYES?

YOU WERE LOOKING AT HER EYES?

DUH!

I WAS TALKIN' ABOUT HER"--

HEY, HEY.

BE SENSITIVE HERE.

"--TATAS.

BODACIOUS TATAS."

[LAUGHTER]

WHY DON'T YOU JUST SAY SHE HAD

A NICE SMILE?

"NO.

AFTER I SAW HER TATAS, I HAD

A NICE SMILE."

[LAUGHTER]

"I DON'T MIND GOIN' TO THE

DENTIST."

YOU DON'T?

"NO.

'CAUSE THEY LAY YOU DOWN IN THAT

DENTIST CHAIR."

THEY PUT ALL THAT STUFF IN YOUR

MOUTH.

THEY PUT THAT ONE THING IN THERE

THAT GOES [MAKES NOISE].

DON'T PUT YOUR TONGUE IN THAT

THING, THOUGH, 'CAUSE LIKE

[MAKES NOISE].

[LAUGHTER]

ANYWAY, THEY LAY YOU ON THE

CHAIR.

THEY PUT ALL THAT STUFF IN YOUR

MOUTH.

AND THEN WHAT DO THEY DO?

THEY ASK YA QUESTIONS.

'SO WHAT DO YOU DO FOR A LIVING?

[GAGGING NOISES]

DO YOU ENJOY YOUR WORK?'

[GAGGING CONTINUES]

SURE IT HAPPENS TO YOU

AND ME...BUT HIM?

NO, HE HAS NO PROBLEM.

'SO, FOR A LIVING YOU'RE

A VENTRILOQUIST?'"

WHY, YES I AM.

[LAUGHTER]

[MANIACAL LAUGHTER]

LUKE, I AM YOUR FATHER.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

"WHAT?"

YOU'RE NUTS.

"WHAT?"

YOU'RE NUTS.

"I'M NOT NUTS, YOU'RE NUTS."

NO, I'M NOT.

"YOU ARE.

YOU'RE SICK."

WHAT?

"YOU'RE SICK."

I'M NOT SICK.

"YOU'RE SICK."

I AM NOT SICK!

"YOU'RE ARGUING WITH YOURSELF!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND LOSING!

THEY'RE GONNA LOCK YOUR ASS UP

ONE DAY.

YOUR KIDS ARE GONNA COME VISIT

YOU.

'DADDY, WHY ARE YOU IN THAT

PADDED CELL?'

I'M NOT IN HERE.

YES, I AM.

NO, I'M NOT!

YES, I AM.

[LAUGHTER]

"YOU BETTER HOPE IT'S A HOSPITAL

AND NOT A PRISON."

WHY?

"YOU WOULDN'T DO TOO WELL

IN PRISON."

WHY NOT?

"COME HERE, PUPPET BOY.

[LAUGHTER]

MAKE YOUR DADDY TALK."

OH, YOU STOP IT!

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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