AND HE, AH, HE DIDN'T BELIEVE
THAT I'D NEVER SMOKED POT.
SO ABOUT A YEAR AGO WE WENT TO
THE MALL, AND WE GOT HIGH.
UM, THIS IS A TRUE STORY.
AND I'LL TELL YOU WHY I CAN DO
IT BECAUSE OF THESE PLANTS THAT
ARE HERE.
UM, SO THERE WAS A GUY, I,
THIS IS A TRUE STORY I SWEAR TO
YOU.
THERE WAS A GUY AT PIER ONE
IMPORTS PROBABLY BOUGHT A TREE--
HE BOUGHT A TREE.
AND IF YOU WEREN'T HIGH,
IT LOOKED TOTALLY NORMAL.
IT LOOKED LIKE HE JUST BOUGHT A
TREE AND WAS CARRYING IT OUT OF
THE MALL.
NO BIG DEAL.
BUT BECAUSE I WAS HIGH,
MY BROTHER GOES, TODD, LOOK HE'S
HIDING FROM THE COPS.
(LAUGHTER)
(APPLAUSE)
YOU KNOW THAT LAUGHTER...
YOU KNOW THAT LAUGHTER, WHERE
YOU'RE LIKE, SHUT UP, I'M GONNA
(BLEEP) IN MY PANTS!
AND IT FEELS GOOD, IT FEELS GOOD
TO LAUGH THAT HARD.
I SEE YA KNOW THAT GUY OVER
THERE IN THE BLACK JACKET?
AND MY BROTHER, HE WOULDN'T
STOP, HE'S LIKE, LOOK THAT GUY'S
HIDING FROM THE COPS.
UH, BOY DID WE HAVE FUN.
DOZE WERE DU DAYS.
AH, WELL, WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?
SPEAKING OF GETTING HIGH,
I'D LIKE TO DO AN IMPRESSION
RIGHT NOW.
UM, I'D LIKE TO DO, YOU KNOW
WHAT, YELL OUT ANY IMPRESSION
THAT YOU WOULD LIKE TO HEAR AND
I'LL DO IT AND THAT'S THE TRUTH.
YELL OUT ANYBODY.
(AUDIENCE YELLS OUT NAMES)
I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.
HOW ABOUT I DO A GAY GUY
LOST IN A WAREHOUSE?
I KNOW WHAT YOU PEOPLE LIKE.
(LAUGHTER)
YOU YELL OUT BUT I KNOW WHATCHA,
I KNOW WHATCHA YA WANT.
HEY, STEVE.
GET A LITTLE TAP DANCE MUSIC
READY AFTER THIS.
I NEED A LOT FOR MY JOKES,
TAP DANCE, ANYTHING.
A LOT OF PEOPLE ARE LIKE,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST WRITE GOOD
QUALITY JOKES?
(LAUGHTER)
I'VE TRIED, IT'S VERY HARD.
(LAUGHTER)
SO I'VE TRIED TO HAVE LIKE,
YOU KNOW, OTHER THINGS GOING ON
THAT'S SO YA KNOW SO YOU FORGET
ABOUT THE JOKES.
OH, HE'S TAP DANCE, OH, OH,
WHAT'S HE DOING?
UM, YOU KNOW, SMOKE MACHINE,
I THROW RAZZLES AT THE AUDIENCE,
WHATEVER.
UM, RAZZLES?
WHAT A REFERENCE.
UM, OKAY, I'LL DO MY IMPRESSION
OF A GAY, A VERY GAY MAN LOST IN
A WAREHOUSE.
(CLEARS THROAT)
OH MY GOD, I'M LOST IN A
WAREHOUSE, THIS IS GREAT!
THANK YOU VERY MUCH LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN.
THANK YOU.
(APPLAUSE)
HEY, ANDY.
EVERYBODY LOVES A LITTLE SOFT
SHOE, GET CLOSE ON THAT.
NOW THEY'RE GONNA KNOW I'M NOT
TAP DANCING.
STEVE ROSENTHAL LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN, HE'S BEEN WITH ME...
(APPLAUSE)