Richard Lewis - Flying to Italy

Blake Clark & Carrie Snow Season 1, Ep 0124 02/24/1992 Views: 1,314

Richard needed a prescription for Valium before he could fly to Rome. (2:47)

TO HOST THIS SHOW, AND-- I JUSTSAW A JOHN LENNON T-SHIRT.

GOOD NIGHT, EVERYBODY.

IT'S A GREAT T-SHIRT

BUT IT'S DEPRESSING TO SITIN THE FRONT ROW WITH IT.

BUT... WHERE WAS I?

NO, I'M TEASING,IT'S A GREAT SHIRT.

I HAVE THE SAME PICTUREAT MY HOUSE.

GOOD NIGHT AGAIN-- SORRY.

BUT THE A LIS THEY TREAT MELIKE AN "A" COMEDIAN

LIKE EVERYBODY ELSEON THIS SHOW.

AND IN FACT THEY FLEW MEFROM NEW YORK ON A GIG

AND THEY FLEW ME... "GIG," BYTHE WAY, IN UTAH, MEANS "SHOW."

AND I LOVE UTAH,DON'T GET ME WRONG

BECAUSE "UTAH" SPELLEDBACKWARDS MEANS "HEBREW."

SO, IF YOU CHECK IT OUTIN A MIRROR.

THEY FLEW ME ON THIS PLANE,IT WAS ALL FIRST CLASS.

IT WAS THE MOST PSYCHOTIC THING.

THE DRINKING THAT WENT ON,IT WAS LIKE MARDI GRAS.

THE NOSE OF THE PLANE STARTEDTO DEVELOP RED VEINS.

( laughter )

BUT NOTHING COMPAREDTO LAST YEAR.

I DID A FILM IN EUROPE.

I HAD TO FLY 14 HOURS FROM L.A.TO ROME, AND I WAS, LIKE--

I'M SCARED TO FLY-- WHO ISN'T?

MOST PEOPLE ARE.

I HAD MY DOCTOR-- I DON'T TAKE--

AND KIDS, CONDOMS, NO DRUGS--

BUT I HAD TO GET A PRESCRIPTION.

MY DOCTOR ACTUALLYDRESSED ME UP LIKE A VALIUM

AND I ROLLED ON TO THE PLANE.

THAT'S THE ONLY WAY I COULD GETFROM L.A. TO ROME IN 14 HOURS.

IF I'M ON THE TOILET MORE THANTWO MINUTES, I TAKE DRAMAMINE.

THAT'S HOW NAUSEOUS I GET.

YOU GET TO EUROPE, LOVE EUROPE.

ITALY-- FORGET ABOUT IT.

IF YOU HAVEN'T BEEN THERE,GO TO EUROPE

AND GO TO ITALY.

IT'S SO ROMANTIC.

I WENT THERE WITH MYSELF,AND IT WAS SAD

BUT I TRIED TO GET AWAYFROM EVERYTHING.

I'M WALKING AROUND, AND VENICE,ITALY, MAN, IS LIKE, WOW!

AND SOME GUY TAPS MEON THE SHOULDER AND SAYS

"I'M OPENING UP A COMEDY CLUBNEXT TO THE VATICAN.

IT'S CALLED THE CHUCKLE CHAPEL."

I WENT, "OH, NO."

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

THEN I GET TO VENICE.

FORGET ABOUT IT.

I COULDN'T EVENMAKE A PHONE CALL.

THEY HAVE, LIKE,SPECIAL COINS FOR THE PHONES

AND THEN I PUT THE COIN IN

AND THE OPERATOR SAID,"YOU HAVE TO ANSWER"--

IT WAS LIKE JEOPARDY--

"SEVERAL PASTATRIVIA QUESTIONS."

IT WAS A NIGHTMARE.

BUT THEN I FOUND SOME WOMANI FELL IN LOVE WITH.

WE WENT ON A GONDOLA,BUT I'M A SCHMUCK.

I DIDN'T KNOW IT WASA FIRST-TIME GONDOLIER.

IS IT A GONDOLIER?

WHO'S THE GUY WHO DOES IT--THE GONDOLIER, RIGHT?

GOOD NIGHT.

I'M SORRY.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN, HE HADBUMPER TIRES AROUND THE GONDOLA.

HE DIDN'T USE OARS,JUST HIS HANDS.

IT TOOK ABOUT EIGHT DAYSTO GET AROUND THE ENTIRE...

HE DIDN'T EVEN SING LIKE...

HE SANG, LIKE,ARLO GUTHRIE TUNES.