Jo Koy - Tornadoes

  • Season 4 , Ep 0405
  • 11/13/2009
  • Views: 29,393

If you're in Kansas City -- which, by the way, is not in Kansas -- you don't need to fear all the deadly tornadoes unless you hear the sirens. (3:28)

I'm tired of just

going on the roadand going to places.

And-and-and I justdon't want to be there.

You come to New York,

I-I'm happy, like, I lookforward to coming here.

But, like, man,I had to go to Kansas City,

and I just found outthat's not even in Kansas.

I've been Twitteringthe whole time,

"I'm in Kansas.""What city?"

"Kansas City."

And by the way you guysare acting, it looks like

you thought it wasin Kansas, too.

Look, see!

It's in Missouri!

Yeah, stupids.

Stupid.

I'm not the only one.

And I-I was doing it onstage.

I was like, "Man, I'm so happy

to be in Kansas."

And then the guy stood up,he was, like,

"Uh, this is Missour-a."

And he made it sound likeI was stupid,

but he called it Missour-a.

It's not Missour-a.

It's Missouri.

And I get off the planeand get-- I swear, you guys,

when I got off the plane,

uh, you look on the monitorsin baggage claim,

and-and I swear,every-every news channel was on.

And it was like,"Uh, this just breaking news.

"Uh, tornado warningsin Kansas City.

"There's, uh, tremendoustornados, tornado watch.

"Uh, make sure you lookfor the tornados.

"And the tornados are killing.

"Uh, killing, killing,killing, tornados.

And we'll be right backwith deadly tornados."

And I was like,"Are you serious?"

I even looked atthe-the dude next to me.

I was like, uh,

"Is this for real,uh, the tornados?"

And then he was like, "Yeah, butonly if you hear the sirens."

What the hell's wrong with you?

And I go, "Sirens?"

Like, I've never beenin a natural disaster

where you need to hear a sirento do something.

Like, like--

'Cause they don't even know.

They need to warn peoplewith a siren,

'cause they don't even knowwhere the tornado is.

'Cause tornados just appear.

They just, "Dah!" like that.

It's, like, like,

even the news,if you watch the weatherman,

he doesn't even knowwhere the tornado is.

Have you-- Like, he'll just go,

"Uh, I knowit's in the vicinity.

"It's around heresomewhere, man.

If you hear the sirens,just run."

It's not like,a lot like a hurricane,

like, they got confidence.

A weatherman has confidencewhen it's a hurricane.

He's like, "You see this

"big gray circlethat looks like hell?

"It's-it's going towardthese houses with wheels.

Drive away!"

But it's not like thatwith a tornado,

'cause no one knows

where the tornado--tornado just develops.

And it's crazy.

It just enters the room, like,

like a gay Mexican dancer,like, "Aye!"

Like, "Hello, I'm here!"

(chuckles):And...

And it's like--'Cause you seen,

you seen storm chasers

where they're like, like,they think they know.

They're, like, professionals,like, "Yeah, I can tell

"that it's this way 'cause thehail, the hail's coming down

"and the winds, and it's coming.

"It's bigger and it's thicker,

"and it should be--Get your cameras.

"Okay, it's over there, it'sover there, it's over there.

It's over there,it's over there."

I don't want to bea part of that.

I wanted to get outof Kansas City.

I don't want to-to dealwith tornados.

That's the wrong type of naturaldisaster I want to deal with.

I-I'm from L.A., and I--

Earthquakes.

(scoffs)Whatever.

We don't even careabout earthquakes.

We don't-- What?!

Earthquakes don't scarepeople in L.A.

That's, like, everyday life.

Like, it's for a second,"Ooh, what was that?"

Like, that's... that's a 6.3.

I didn't even shake my (bleep)when I was pissing.

It was just--the earth shook it for me.

It was awesome!

(applause)

(chuckles)

You guys are fun.

(humming)

I'm so happy.

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