Lisa Landry - Sexual Evaporation

Sanders, Trenholm, Landry, Oakerson Season 8, Ep 0808 01/14/2005 Views: 9,793

Sex changes after you get married. (2:09)

MY HUSBAND WANTS A BABY.

HE'S OLDER, SO HE'S READY

TO HAVE A BABY.

I'M NOT READY AT ALL.

I'M TOO IRRESPONSIBLE.

I'D MAKE A HORRIBLE MOTHER.

I'D PROBABLY FORGET TO PICK

THE KID UP FROM THERAPY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT MY HUSBAND CAN GET ANYTHING

HE WANTS OUTTA ME, I SWEAR.

THAT GUY CAN TALK ME INTO

ANYTHING.

I DIDN'T EVEN WANNA GET MARRIED.

I GOT MARRIED 'CAUSE HE WANTED

TO AND I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND SO MUCH.

I WOULD DO ANYTHING TO MAKE

MY HUSBAND HAPPY.

[APPLAUSE]

OH, WELL, WELL, THANK YOU.

ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM HAPPY,

EXCEPT COOK OR CLEAN OR SHUT

THE [BLEEP] UP.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

OR [BLEEP], YOU KNOW, ANYTHING

TO BE-- TO MAKE HIM HAPPY.

WE GOT MARRIED IN LAS VEGAS

LAST YEAR 'CAUSE I FIGURED,

YOU KNOW, SCREW IT, WE'RE

GAMBLING ANYWAY.

[LAUGHTER]

SEX CHANGES AFTER YOU GET

MARRIED.

I THINK ABOUT THE SEX ALL THE

TIME.

RIGHT, MY MOM'S LIKE,

"YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT'S JUST WEIRD.

YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT, THINK ABOUT

SEX ALL THE TIME?

THAT'S NOT NORMAL."

SO, I TOOK A TEST IN THE BACK

OF "COSMO".

AND APPARENTLY I'M A GUY.

[LAUGHTER]

BUT I HATE FOOTBALL, SO I'M GAY.

AND I GOT NO FASHION SENSE SO

I'M ONE OF THOSE BAD GAYS,

WHICH I THINK MAKES ME

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

BUT I'M TELLING YOU, SEX REALLY

EVAPORATES ONCE YOU'RE MARRIED.

AND YOUR MARRIED FRIENDS TELL

YOU THE TRUTH.

YOUR GIRLFRIENDS TELL YOU WHAT'S

GONNA HAPPEN.

AND YOU'RE LIKE OH, THAT'S YOUR

RELATIONSHIP.

ME AND MY MAN, WE'RE IN LOVE.

WE'RE GONNA HAVE THAT HOT SEX

ALL THE TIME 'CAUSE WE'RE

IN LOVE.

HA-HA!

[LAUGHTER]

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

IF I HAVE SEX WITH MY HUSBAND

AT THIS POINT, I FEEL LIKE

I'M CHEATING ON MYSELF.

[LAUGHTER]

I'M LIKE, "HONEY, YOU CAN STAY.

BUT IT'S JUST GONNA SLOW THINGS

DOWN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]