Al Jackson - North Miami

Lange, Jackson, Schachter, Melson, Keith, Metzger, Gay Season 2, Ep 1 05/17/2007 Views: 5,047

There's more to Miami than the television show, "CSI." (1:39)

I just moved here from Miami.

Clap it up-- South Beach.(applause)

Yeah! That's not the partI lived in.

Don't get all happy.

When you tell peoplefrom New York

you used to live in Miami,they're like, "Oh, CSI.

I've seen that on TV."

I'm not, "No, there's a lotof different parts."

I lived in North Miami.(woman whoops)

Yeah, all right.Do you still live there?

Yeah, not after "they" moved in?


No one ever knows North Miami,so I always tell people,

North Miamiis one of those exits of I-95

where you say, "Damn it,I don't need gas that bad.

I will wait."

It's good to be here, though,I like it here, man.

I'm a full-time comic now,

so, like,I have all day to myself,

and I want to admit to you guys,

that's a first stepin addiction,

that I do have an addiction,and it's MTV's My Sweet 16.

Listen, I'm reaching out, okay?

Don't... don't judge me.

I just thought those kids,

they're not appreciativeof anything.

Like, how do get a drop-top Beamer,

you're like,"You couldn't get it in black?"

And I just think about myselfas a little kid.

Like, I swear to God,when I was ten years old,

I got a bag of those littleplastic army men,

that was... I was good.

That's all I needed.

But, see, my cousins were all bigger than me,

so they would take the army guysand the cool positions,

so the only dude I had leftwas that dude on the phone.


So, really, my armyjust looked like ten gay guys

waiting on their lattesat Starbucks.

"I'll take 50 rounds of ammoand a white chocolate mocha."

We took the beach anyway.