Carlos Oscar - What Happens in Vegas

Stanton, Zager, Williams, Oscar Season 9, Ep 909 01/20/2006 Views: 3,788

Carlos' kids watch Scooby Doo in Spanish. (1:48)

I TELL YOU, MAN, MY LITTLE DAUGHTER,

I KID-- TRUE STORY. SHE'S TURNING SIX.

I ASKED HER, "WHERE DO YOU WANNA GO FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?"

SHE SAYS, "I WANNA GO TO LAS VEGAS." LAS VEGAS? SIX YEARS OLD.

'CAUSE SHE LIKES THE BIGHOTELS WITH THE POOLS.

AND I'M TRYING TO DISCOURAGE HER.

I GO, "NO, NO, NO, WE WENT WHEN YOU WERE FOUR.

"AND DO YOU REMEMBER WHAT YOU DID IN THE POOL?

YOU PEED IN THE POOL." AND SHE GOES, "SHHH, DADDY,

'WHAT HAPPENS IN VEGASSTAYS IN VEGAS.'"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

SIX. AND NOW WE GOTTA TEACH HER SPANISH.

MY WIFE, "TEACH THE GIRLS SOME SPANISH, RIGHT?"

WE TEACH THEM SPANISH. OKAY NOW--

MY MOTHER-IN-LAW PUTS ON THE TV,

BUT SHE SWITCHES IT TO SPANISH MODE.

SO THEY'RE WATCHING THE MOVIE IN SPANISH.

THAT'S HOW THEY'RE GONNA LEARN?

THEY'RE WATCHING "SCOOBY DOO"? WHAT IS THAT?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND DON'T JUDGE THE PEOPLEBY THE LANGUAGE.

IT HAS NOTHIN' TO DO WITH THE PEOPLE.

MY BEST FRIEND--HE'S FILIPINO.

WHEN HE SPEAKS TO HIS MA--

HAVE YOU HEARD THAT LANGUAGE, TAGALO?

THAT'S THE QUICKEST LANGUAGE.

IT SOUNDS LIKE A CHICKEN FALLING DOWN SOME STAIRS.

YES IT DOES! YES IT DOES!

HE'S ON THE--YOU DIDN'T HEAR,

HE'S ON THE PHONE, [SPEAKING RAPIDLY]

I GO, "PICK UP THE CHICKEN."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

- CHICKEN BROKE A WING. - [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HE'S THERE TALKING TO HIS MOM...

AND THEY SAID,"I LOVE YOU. [SQUAWKS]"

I GO, "COME ON."