Ben Bailey - Eating Room

CC Presents: Ben Bailey Season 10, Ep 18 04/21/2006 Views: 16,621

Why don't restaurants put tables in the waiting room? (4:05)

SOMETHING WAS ON MY MIND. I DON'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS.

MAYBE IT WAS THIS SHOW.BUT I WOKE UP EARLY

SO I AM TIRED RIGHT NOWAND TRYING TO FAKE IT.

HOW COME WHEN YOU TELL SOMEONETHAT YOU'RE TIRED

THEY HAVE TO TELL YOU WHAT TIME IT IS?

[LAUGHTER]

I WAS TALKING TO MY FRIEND HE GOES, "HOW ARE YOU DOIN'?" I GO, "I'M KIND OF TIRED."

HE GOES, "TIRED? IT'S 7 O'CLOCK."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LIKE I WAS WRONG. RIGHT?

LIKE HE THOUGHT I WAS GONNA GO, "OH, REALLY, 7 O'CLOCK?

"I'M NOT TIRED. I GOT TONS OF ENERGY.

"LET'S GO BUILD A BARN AND RUN A COUPLE OF MARATHONS.

"7 O'CLOCK,THERE'S PLENTY OF TIME.

"GOOD THING YOU HAD THAT WATCH ON.

"I MIGHT HAVE GONE TO SLEEP FOR NO REASON AT ALL.

"HEY, DO ME A FAVOR. LET ME KNOW WHEN I'M HUNGRY.

I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT FIGURING THAT OUT FOR MYSELFWITHOUT A WATCH."

KNOW WHAT HE SAID? HE GOES, "YOU'RE HUNGRY RIGHT NOW."

- AND HE WAS RIGHT. - [LAUGHTER]

NOT ONLY WAS I NOT TIRED,I WAS STARVING.

THAT'S WHY I THOUGHT I WAS TIRED.

SO WE WENT INTO A RESTAURANT AND WALKED UP TO THE PODIUM

AND I SAID TO THE GIRL BEHIND THE PODIUM,

"WE WOULD LIKE A TABLE, PLEASE."AND SHE SAID, "I'M SORRY, SIR.

"THERE ARE NO TABLES AVAILABLE RIGHT NOW.

YOU'LL HAVE TO GO IN THE WAITING ROOM AND WAIT."

SO WE WENT IN THE WAITING ROOM.AND WHILE WE WERE WAITING

I COULDN'T HELP BUT THINK, "WHY DON'T THEY JUST

PUT SOME TABLES IN HERE?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

ALL RIGHT? AND THAT WAYEVERYONE COULD BE EATING

INSTEAD OF SOME PEOPLE EATING AND SOME PEOPLE WAITING."

SO I SUGGESTED IT, AND I WAS INTRODUCED TO THE MANAGER.

THE MANAGER SAID, "I'M SORRY,SIR. WE CAN'T DO THAT."

AND I SAID, "WHY NOT?" AND HE SAID,

"BECAUSE THIS IS THE WAITING ROOM." SO I SAID,

"WELL, WE COULD JUST AGREE TO CALL IT SOMETHING ELSE LIKE

- "'THE OTHER EATING ROOM.' - [LAUGHTER]

I'LL RIP THE SIGNOFF THE WALL RIGHT NOW."BUT HE DIDN'T GO FOR IT.

SO WE WAITED.AND WE WAITED AND WAITEDIN THE WAITING ROOM

UNTIL FINALLYOUR TABLE WAS AVAILABLE.

AND WE WENT IN AND WESAT DOWN AND WE ATE OUR DINNER.

AND WHILE WE WERE EATING, A COUPLE IN THE RESTAURANT WERE HAVE THIS HUGE FIGHT.

IT WAS A BLOWOUT. THEY WERE SCREAMING AT EACH OTHER.

AND WHEN THE WOMAN FINALLY GOT UP AND STORMED OUT,

I NOTICED THAT THE MAN DIDN'T GO AFTER HER.

SO I DID.

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND WHEN I CAUGHT UP TO HER,I WASN'T QUITE SURE WHAT TO SAY.

SO I JUST SPUN HER AROUND AND WENT,

"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT ALL ABOUT?"

AND I THINK THAT REALLY CONFUSED HER,

BECAUSE SHE SAID...

"SOMETIMES I FEEL LIKE I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHO YOU ARE ANYMORE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

AND THAT REALLY CONFUSED ME.

SO I PUNCHED HER IN THE FACE.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I'M NOT SAYIN' IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

THERE WASN'T A LOT OF TIME. IT WAS GETTING AWKWARD.

SOMETHING HAD TO BE DONE.

SO I KNOCKED HER OUTAND I RAN OUT OF THERE.

- PLUS MY FOOD WAS GETTING COLD. - [LAUGHTER]