Dane Cook - That Guy

  • Season 1 , Ep 10
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 54,217

There's a guy at your work that nobody talks to. (1:46)

(Dane Cook)THERE'S A GUY ATYOUR WORK, OKAY?

HERE'S HIS DESCRIPTIONRIGHT HERE--FIRST OF ALL,

HE'S NOT FAT,HE'S NOT FAT.

HE'S JUST SHAPES.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

HE'S LIKE AN AMOEBA--HE'SALWAYS, LIKE, A DIFFERENT

(bleep)-UP CONSISTENCYWHEN HE COMES IN.

BUT HE'S GOT--HE ALWAYSHAS THAT BIG FRONT, RIGHT?

YA KNOW, THAT HUGE--WHAT IS THAT?

YOU WANNA SEE IT,BUT YOU DON'T.

(Dane Cook)NOBODY TALKS TOTHAT GUY... NOBODY.

HE COMES INTO THE-THE SNACK ROOM.

HE WEARS THOSE CHEAPBLUE BLOCKER GLASSES.

YOU NEVER SEE HIS (bleep)WEIRD EYES, ALL RIGHT?

HE'S GOT THE POCKET WITHTHE WHOLE FESTIVAL OF PENS

SHOOTIN' UP OUT OF THERE, INCASE HE HAS TO WRITE A LOT.

(Dane Cook)AND NOBODY TALKSTO THAT GUY, RIGHT?

IF HE COMES INTO THAT LITTLEBREAK ROOM AND YOU SEE

HIM OUT OF YOUR PERIPHERAL,RIGHT, YOU'RE LIKE,

HEY, LET'S GET THE(bleep) OUT OF HERE.

COME ON, LET'S...LET'S JUST GO.

WHERE THE (bleep)IS THE DOOR?

I'VE WORKED HERE EIGHTYEARS--WHERE'S THE...

NOBODY TALKS TO THATGUY, BUT YOU KNOW WHAT?

I TALK TO THAT GUY.

I TALK TO THAT GUYEVERY (bleep) DAY.

I FIND HIM TO TALK TO HIM.

I BUY HIM LITTLETREATS... I DO.

HEY, HERE'S ASNICKERS, TAKE THAT.

ENJOY... SATISFIES.

ENJOY THESNICKERS, BYE-BYE.

YOU KNOW WHY ITALK TO THAT GUY?

'CAUSE WHEN THAT DAYFINALLY COMES WHERE HE JUST

(bleep) SNAPS, ANDHE COMES INTO THE OFFICE

WITH AN AK-47, WALKIN'THROUGH THE HALLS...

(gun shooting)

AND HE GETS TO MY OFFICE,HE'S GONNA BE LIKE,

"THANKS FOR THE CANDY."

(Dane Cook)"YOU'RE ALL GONNA DIE!"

(Dane Cook)YEAH, YOU'RE GONNATALK TO THAT GUY NOW.

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