Bobby Slayton - The Death Penalty

Bobby Slayton & Taylor Negron Season 1, Ep 0129 02/24/1992 Views: 2,558

Bug problem? Kill the bugs and leave them out as an example. (3:33)

IT'S AMAZING WHEN YOU LOOKAT THE AMERICAN PUBLIC--

AND NOT YOU PEOPLE,YOU'RE VERY HIP PEOPLE--

THE PEOPLETHAT DON'T HAVE CABLE--

WHAT AMAZES MEIS HOW MANY TIMES A YEAR

DO YOU WATCH THE NEWSAND HEAR A STORY

ABOUT SOMEBODYGETTING HIT BY A TRAIN?

NOW, HOW DO YOUGET HIT BY A TRAIN?

AND THEN THE FAMILY'SALWAYS TRYING TO SUE AMTRAK

LIKE IT'S THE TRAIN'S FAULT.

LIKE THE TRAIN WASN'TWHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE.

LIKE IT WENT OFF THE TRACKS

AND IT RAN INTOA SCHOOLYARD FULL OF KIDS.

YOU GET HIT BY A TRAIN,YOU'RE AN IDIOT.

THE TRAIN'S COMING OVER HERE.

STAND OVER HERE.

IT'S NOT A BULLET.

YOU HAVE TIME TO SEE THE TRAIN.

IT'S LIKE KIDSPUT ON ROCK RECORDS

AND THEN KILL THEMSELVES.

THE PARENTS SAY, "OZZY OSBOURNETOLD MY BOY TO KILL HIMSELF."

"YOUR KID WAS AN IDIOT."

I WATCHEDWARNER BROTHERS CARTOONS.

I NEVER THOUGHT ABOUT SHOVINGA FIRECRACKER UP A CAT'S BUTT

BECAUSE TWEETY BIRD DID IT.

( laughter )

YOU KNOW, AND I'D LIKETO TRY TO GIVE PEOPLE CREDIT.

SOMETIMES THE AMERICAN PUBLICIS SO STUPID.

THAT'S WHY THEY HAVEINSTRUCTIONS ON SOUP.

THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE

THAT DON'T KNOW HOWTO WORK A CAN OF SOUP.

THEY TALK YOU THROUGH IT.

"PUT IN SAUCEPAN, HEAT, SERVE."

IF YOU CAN'T WORK SOUP,YOU SHOULD STARVE TO DEATH

BECAUSE IF THAT DOESN'T KILL YOUYOU'LL GET HIT BY A TRAIN.

AND THERE'S AN 800 NUMBERON THE CAN YOU CAN CALL.

"CALL US, WE'RE THE SOUP PEOPLE.

WE'RE HERE TO HELP YOU."

I'M JUST ANGRY.

I GOT NO PATIENCE FOR STUPIDITY.

THAT'S WHY I LOVETHE DEATH PENALTY.

I THINK IT'S SO COOL.

SILENCE IN THE ROOM.

"WHERE'S BOBBY GOING WITH THIS?"

LISTEN IN, I'LL TELL YOU.

A LOT OF YOU ARE PROBABLYAGAINST THE DEATH PENALTY.

MY WIFE SAYS,"IT DOESN'T STOP OTHERS."

"YEAH, BUT IT STOPPED THIS JERK.

WE'LL WORRYABOUT THE OTHERS LATER."

IT'S LIKE BUGS IN YOUR KITCHEN.

YOU KILL THE BUGS.

YOU KNOW THERE'LL BE MORE BUGS.

LEAVE A COUPLE OF DEAD BUGSAS AN EXAMPLE TO THE OTHER BUGS.

DEATH PENALTY IS LIKEONE OF THE COOLEST THINGS.

THAT'S WHY I DON'T UNDERSTANDTHESE JEFFREY DAHMER GUYS.

IN AMERICA,YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO GET JUDGED

BY A JURY OF YOUR PEERS.

HOW DO THEY FIND 12 GUYS

THAT EAT OTHER PEOPLEAND FREEZE THEIR HEADS?

I'M NOT JEFFREY DAHMER'S PEER.

DON'T CALL ME.

BUT I LOVE THE FACTTHAT CRAZY PEOPLE

ALWAYS GET OFF THE DEATH PENALTYBY PLEADING INSANITY.

"MY CLIENT'S CRAZY,"THE LAWYERS SAY.

"HE DOESN'T KNOW WHAT HE DID."

FINE, HE DOESN'T KNOWWHAT HE DID.

THEN HE DOESN'T KNOWWE'RE GOING TO KILL HIM.

YOU DON'T TELL THE GUY.

PUT HIM IN THE ELECTRIC CHAIR.

TELL HIM IT'S A RIDE.

( laughter )

THEY WANTED TO SHOWTHE DEATH PENALTY ON TELEVISION.

BUT TOO MANY PEOPLE DECIDEDTHEY FIND THIS OFFENSIVE.

DON'T WATCH IT.

I FIND FISHING ON TV OFFENSIVE.

SOME FAT GUY WITH HIS BUTTSHOWING, TIPPING OVER A CANOE.

I DON'T WANT TO SEE THAT,SO I CHANGE THE CHANNEL.

EVERYBODY SAYS,"WHAT IF KIDS SEE THIS?"

KIDS OUGHT TO SEE THIS.

STOP SCARING YOUR KIDS WITH THATTOOTH FAIRY, SANTA CLAUS STUFF.

YOU WANT TO SETA KID'S ASS STRAIGHT

YOU GOT THE DEATH PENALTY ON TV.

"YOU'RE NOT GOINGTO DO YOUR HOMEWORK?

"WATCH THIS, JUNIOR.

"SEE WHAT HAPPENSWHEN YOU DON'T EAT BROCCOLI.

LOOK AT THE EYES COMING OUTOF HIS HEAD."

WELL, THAT'S IT FOR ME.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEENA GREAT CROWD.

I'LL SEE YOU LATER.

( cheering and applause )