Jeremy Schachter - Living Under Your Toenail

Season 2, Ep 0201 05/17/2007 Views: 52

Someone had to audition to be the "living under your toenail" guy. (1:39)

Cockroaches are notthe most disgusting thing.

The most disgusting thingI've ever seen

is the creaturefrom that commercial

where he's like,"I live under your toenail."


God forbid that thing shouldlive under my toenail, right?

And if he lives underyour toenail, stay away from me.

I don't want to shakeyour hand after the show.

But I thought about it.

Do you realizethat's just some guy?

Some dude auditionedfor that part.

That means that there are peoplewho did not get that part.

But they still tried, right?

So they're sittingin the waiting room,

like, practicingtheir lines, like,

"I live under your toenail."

"I live under your toenail."

Till finally some guy's like,"I live under your toenail!"

"Ah, you got the part,you freaking weirdo.

"There you go.

You even look like that guy."


You know that guy'sgonna go on a date,

he's gonna meet some girlon, like,

'Cause that's whereyou meet them, right?

And she's gonna be like,"What do you do?"

He's gonna beall proud of himself.

He's like,"Actually, I'm an actor."

"Really? Anything I mightrecognize you from?"

"I live under your toenail!"

"Check, please."

I quit smoking pot.

I quit 'cause I sawthis commercial on TV.

You may have seen the same one.

It's this one where this kidgets all his buddies together.

They're gonna goin the basement,

and they're gonnasmoke some weed.

So he goes to get his marijuanaout of his marijuana container.

But there's no pot inside,

there's just a noteon a rolling paper.

It says, "We need to talk.

Mom." Right?

And that's crazy, 'cause a verysimilar thing happened to me,

but my note just said,"I owe you a dime bag.