Bob Odenkirk - Prison Life

Cathy Ladman & Bob Odenkirk Season 1, Ep 0109 02/24/1992 Views: 3,683

After about 40 minutes, Bob found himself growing comfortable with prison life. (2:24)

I SET ABOUT MAKING PEACEWITH MY STRANGE ENVIRONMENT.

I ARRANGED THE MATTRESSINTO A MAKESHIFT BED.

TO PASS THE TIME

I GAVE NICKNAMESTO EVERYTHING IN MY CELL.

THE SINK I CALLED TOILETAND THE TOILET, SINK

AND THE FLOOR WAS "OLD FLOOREY."

AFTER ABOUT 40 MINUTES

I FOUND MYSELF GROWINGCOMFORTABLE WITH PRISON LIFE

EVEN A LITTLE DEPENDENTON THE ROUTINE OF IT ALL.

I BEGAN TO WONDER ABOUT MYCHANCES SHOULD I GET RELEASED.

WOULD I BE ABLE TO COPEWITHOUT THIS RIGID STRUCTURE?

MAYBE A HALFWAY HOUSE PROGRAMWOULD HELP.

( laughs insanely )

GOD IN HEAVEN, WHY DO YOU CURSETHE GROUND I WALK ON?

CONFINEMENT WAS STARTINGTO GET TO ME

BUT I WAS NOT ABOUT TO GIVE IN.

FROM NOW ON I'D TREAT IT ALLAS A GAME--

A GAME THAT HAD TO BE PLAYED.

I'D TOE THE LINE--

BECOME A GOOD BOY.

AS I ENTERED MY SECOND HOUROF INCARCERATION

I DECIDED TO TURN OVERA NEW LEAF.

I PICKED UP A BIBLEAND GOT RELIGION.

UH-HUH, I SANG SWEET BLUES MUSICTO MYSELF

TO SOOTHE THE FURYRAGING INSIDE.

THE OFFICER APPROACHED MY CELL.

NOW WAS MY CHANCE TO GET IN GOODWITH HIM:

"OFFICER, I THINKTHAT WINO'S BEEN DRINKING.

"HE'S ROLLING AROUNDTHE FLOOR AND MUMBLING!

"I THINK HE'S PLANNINGAN ESCAPE.

"HE... WHAT?

"MY BOND IS HERE?

YOU MEAN I'M GOING TO BE FREE?"

WOW, WHILE MY FRIEND JOEPAID THE BOND

I COLLECTED MY THINGS AND THENI TOOK MY FIRST STEPS OUTSIDE.

( gasping )

I WAS TEMPORARILY BLINDEDBY THE HARSH LIGHT OF THE MOON.

( gasping )

JOE ASKED ME IF I WANTEDTO STOP BY A RESTAURANT

OR GO STRAIGHT HOME.

TAKE ME TO A HOOKER, MAN!

I'M HORNY!

( applause )

"WHAT?" HE ASKED.

"OH, NOTHING,JUST GIVE ME A CIGARETTE."

"BUT, BOB, YOU DON'T SMOKE."

"I DO NOW!

"IT'S A LITTLE HABIT I PICKED UPIN THE JOINT.

"HEY, JOE, BE STRAIGHT WITH ME,ARE THESE CLOTHES STILL IN?

"WHO'S THE PRESIDENT NOW?

HAVE THEY GOT THOSEPICTURE PHONES YET?"

JOE JUST SHOOK HIS HEADAND TOLD ME TO GET IN THE CAR.

YEAH, I COULD WALK AWAYFROM JAIL

BUT THE MEMORY OF THOSESHAMEFUL LOST TWO HOURS

WILL HAUNT ME FOREVER.

( applause and cheering )