Nick DiPaolo - Homeless People

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 3,486

Homeless people can sleep anywhere. (1:21)

(Nick Dipaolo)I'M SICK OF LIVINGIN CITIES, I'M SICKOF HOMELESS PEOPLE.

I HAVE NO MORE COMPASSIONFOR THESE PEOPLE.

I HAVE NO MORE COMPASSIONFOR THESE PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S AMAZINGABOUT HOMELESS PEOPLE?

THEY CAN SLEEP ANYWHERE...THAT'S WHAT AMAZES ME.

I GOT A $2,000WATERBED AT HOME,

I TOSS AND TURN ALLNIGHT, YOU KNOW?

THESE PEOPLE LIKE..."WHAT'S THAT, A BROKENHEINEKEN BOTTLE?"

(snoring sounds)

YEAH, COULD YOU PUT ABRICK ON MY HEAD, KEEPTHE SUN OUT OF MY EYES?

I GIVE 'EM MONEY, BUTTHEY'RE NASTY, YOU KNOW?

THIS GUY COMES UP TO ME..."HEY, CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?

I'M STARVING,MAN, I'M STARVING!"

I'M LIKE... "HEY, DO YOU SEEA CHEF'S HAT ON MY HEAD?

"WHAT AM I SUPPOSEDTO DO, WHIP YOU UP AREUBEN ON THE SIDEWALK?

"THERE'S A PIGEON A FOOTAWAY WITH A LOAF OF BREAD.

"GO BUST HIS BALLS.

HE'S A BIRD, HE'S DOINGBETTER THAN YOU ARE."

MENTAL ILLNESS ISRUNNING RAMPANT EVERYCITY I GO TO, MAN.

THIS LADY COMES UP ME INFRONT OF MY APARTMENT IN L.A.

SHE HAD MORE FACIALHAIR THAN I DO,

SHE HAD ONETOOTH, SHE'S LIKE...

WHY DID HE LEAVE ME?

WHY DID MYHUSBAND LEAVE ME?

OH, I DON'T KNOW, SMILEY.

UH, YOU WERE HOGGINGTHE DENTAL FLOSS?

I DON'T KNOW.

I'M GUESSING YOUR HUSBANDNEEDED SOME TIME TOHIMSELF, YOU KNOW?

I'VE KNOWN YOUFOR TWO SECONDS, ICOULD USE A VACATION.

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