Rick Glassman - Old Racist Joke

Po Boy Season 2, Ep 4 09/26/2014 Views: 4,600

Before trying to retell one of his father's favorite jokes, Rick Glassman explains his heritage and reminds the audience not to get offended. (2:00)

I WANNA TELL YOU GUYSA LITTLE BIT ABOUT ME

SOMETHING INTERESTING:

I'M ACTUALLY HALF-BLACK,AND I'M HALF-WHITE.

MY MOM IS ACTUALLYHALF-BLACK AND HALF-JEWISH,

AND MY DAD IS HALF-BLACKAND HALF-ITALIAN,

SO I HAVETWO HALF-BLACK PARENTS,

WHICH MAKES ME HALF-BLACK,AND IT'S A WEIRD MIX, MAN.

IT REMINDS ME OF THIS JOKE,WHICH I DON'T REMEMBER,

SO I APOLOGIZE.

I'MA TRY IT.BEAR WITH ME.

MY FATHER TOLD IT TO ME,AND IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT,

IT'S HIS WORDS,NOT MINE.

BUT A GUY WALKSINTO A DOCTOR'S OFFICE,

AND HE'S A BLACK GUY,

AND HE WALKSINTO A DOCTOR'S OFFICE,

AND THE JEW DOCTOR SAYS--

AGAIN, IF YOU'RE OFFENDED,IT'S MY FATHER'S WORDS--

BUT THIS JEWBAG DOCTOR SAYS--HOLD ON, HOLD ON.

HE'S SAYS, "I GOT GOOD NEWS,AND I GOT BAD NEWS."

NOW, YOU KNOW BLACK GUYS,NO OFFENSE,

BUT THEY'RE LIKE,"WHAT'S THE GOOD NEWS?"

SO THIS DOCTOR--THIS DOCTOR SAYS,

"WELL, HOLD ON A SECOND,BLACK GUY,"

BUT HE SAYS IT MORE LIKE,"OH, YOU KNOW,

I HAVE CURLY HAIR'CAUSE I AM BORAT,"

YOU KNOW, JEWISH STUFF,LIKE, 'CAUSE OF STEREOTYPES,

AND THEN THE BLACK GUY SAID,"WELL, WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?"

HE'S LIKE,"IT'S YOUR FIRST TIME HERE.

"I'M JUST TELLING YOUA DOCTOR'S OFFICE JOKE,

AND YOU'RE STEPPINGON MY TIMING,"

SO IN TYPICALBLACK GUY FASHION,

HE'S LIKE,"WHAT'S THE JOKE?"

AND THEN THE JEW SAYS, "YOUSTEPPED ON MY TIMING, YOU KNOW?"

[stammering]

AND THIS GOES ONFOR A WHILE.

MEANWHILE, IN THE OTHER ROOMIS THIS NURSE, A BLONDE NURSE,

BUT NO OFFENSE,BUT BLONDES ARE DUMB AS SHIT,

BECAUSE THEY'RE PAYINGTHEIR WAY

THROUGH COLLEGE BY STRIPPING,

BECAUSE--YOU KNOW,BECAUSE THEY LIKE TO HAVE SEX

WITH GUYS AND STUFF.

SO ANYWAY,THIS BLONDE NURSE IS CHECKING

THE BLOOD PRESSUREOF A CHINAMAN.

NOW, I COULD HAVE SAIDCHINESE MAN,

BUT IT'S AN OLD RACIST JOKE,

AND YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAYABOUT THE CHINESE.

THEY GOT MUSHY DICKS,OR WHATEVER.

I DON'T KNOW,BUT THE POINT IS,

YOU GOT THE MEXICANS.

THEY'RE GAY,AND THE GAYS,

THEY'RE TAKINGALL OF OUR JOBS,

AND THE MEXICANS WANTTO MARRY OTHER MEXICANS,

WHICH I'M NOT FOR--SORRY!

IF YOU'RE MEXICAN,IT'S A CHOICE, ALL RIGHT?

AND IF YOU DON'T WANTTO BE MEXICAN,

HEY, THIS JUST IN:START HAVING SEX WITH GIRLS.

IT'S AN EASY FIX.

SO, ANYWAY,BLAH, BLAH, BLAH.

IT TURNS OUTTHAT THE BAD NEWS

WAS THAT THIS BLACK GUYHAD STREP THROAT,

BUT THE GOOD NEWS WASTHAT THE INSURANCE COVERED IT.