I'll tell youabout the first time
I remember crying, okay?
Why are you laughingalready?
You just pictureda little Pakistani boy crying,
and that washumorous to you.
We're not at the--All right.
I was--the first timeI remember crying,
I was five years old.
It's notthe first time I cried.
That would have been fuckingterrifying for my parents,
if I hadn't cried
till I was five.
People would ask my parents,like, "Oh, How's Kumail?"
"Oh, he's great.He's four.
"He hasn't cried yet.
"Pretty surehe can't feel sadness.
"That's someserial killer shit, right?
"He just sits there like,'Where is the cat?
Bring me the cat."
First memory of crying,
I was watching Ugly Duckling.
Oh, yeah,all these pretty ducklings
are so meanto this one ugly duck,
and I felt like an ugly ducklingas a kid, you know?
I remember just,like, bawling,
like, just cryingtears down my face,
just, like, hiccuppingfrom crying.
Went to my mom for comfort.
And to make me feel better,my mom
didn't say, you know,
"Beauty on the outsidedoes not matter, Kumail.
It's beauty on the insidethat makes a person."
She didn't say that.
To make me feel better,my mom was like,
"Ducks can't talk."
"Also, these ducksdon't even exist.
"Look at that.
"Someone clearlyjust drew that, Kumail.
Stop crying.They're not real."
Awful way to handle that.