If you have a cause,good for you,

but don't bepretentious about it.

I read a news article recentlyabout a group

of animal rights activiststhat went and protested

a makeup factory, 'causethey said that this factory

was testing makeup on animals.

Which is (bleep) hilarious.

Are you serious?

Someone gets paidto put lipstick on a chimp?

Sign me up right now.

I'll quit comedy.

Work 100 hours a week.

You let me smoke weed at lunch,I won't even join a union.

Just chuckleand collect my check.

Why would you protestfactory workers?

Those guys don't makethe decisions.

They hate their job.

And on top of that,

they have to explain their jobto their friends.

Having a beer after work.

Everyone's like,"Doug, what's wrong?

Tough day?"

(sighs heavily)

"We tried the newMidnight Plum mascara

"on a chicken, and, um...

"...I don't think she likedthe way she looked.

It's gonna be a long weekat Revlon."