Nick Vatterott - Wrong Number

Nick Vatterott Season 1, Ep 6 05/25/2012 Views: 14,027

Nick Vatterott has a special way of letting people know when they've texted the wrong number. (2:52)

Completely wrong number.

This is what this guy says:

"So when we get paid,you get paid.

"So last night.So when do we all get paid?

So you're not gonna pay me?"

I reply, "I pay you...

"but it's Friday nightand I gots to spend some

"of this cheeseon skirts and eyewear

if I'm gonna look goodfor Father."

That's how I tell people theyhave the wrong number, you know?

(laughs)So that should be the endof it, right?

That should be the endof the conver...

He should be, like, "Oh, I musthave the wrong number."

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,not this kid.

'Cause he goes,"What, you not pay me?

"Okay, I will just calland tell them the holes

is not done right."

I go, "The holes are fine.(laughs)

"It's the solid matteraround the holes

that are all outof whack-a-doodle."

He goes, "I will call themtomorrow and tell them

"the job is not done right.I need to get paid.

So when do I get paid?"

I say, "When the time is right,and it's ladies' night,

and everybody's upfor getting down."

I love this guy for, like,a million reasons, you know?

But, like,even if it doesn't occur

to him that he hasthe wrong number,

where is the part of hisbrain that's, like,

"Why is my boss talkingto me

like he's never talkedto me before?" Right?

"Is our boss have our money?

You know our boss--

always looking good for Father."


So, all right...

so I started giving him hintsat this point, okay?

He goes, "Okay, I'm askingwhen I get paid."

I say, "Money is nothingmore than numbers, man."

He goes, "I need itto pay my class."

I go, "You need to getyour numbers straight

if you're ever gonna get paid."

He goes, "What you mindby that?"

I go, "Mean your own business."

He goes, "What?"(laughs)

I go, "Dude, I'd loveyou're going to school.

"I love your workingto pay for it,

"but if you really wantto get somewhere in life,

you got to get your phonenumbers and verbs right."

He says, "I what to workfor you, but I need

"to get paid so I can paymy bills, too.

"I need money to goto court Tuesday

to fight for my babies."

There's a reason those babies

were taken from this guy,all right?

I go, "Don't tell meabout babies.

I used to be a baby!"

Preaching to the cradle.

I go, "Listen, man,I can't be any more blunt.

You're textingthe wrong number."

He goes,"Okay, see you in court."