Gabriel Iglesias - Mall Maps

Season 3 , Ep 0310 01/25/00 Views: 113,923

How do mall maps know where you are? (1:48)

I LOVE MY MOM TO DEATH, BUT,WHENEVER I TRY OUT JOKES ON HER

HER FAVORITE RESPONSE IS,"'MIH IJO, I DON'T GET IT.

( laughter )

"UH-UH. YOU'RE FUNNY, I GUESS.

I DON'T GET IT."

YEAH, AND THEN SHE'SALWAYS TRYING, YOU KNOW

TO GIVE ME ADVICEABOUT RELATIONSHIPS.

LIKE MY LAST GIRLFRIEND--SHE WAS ALWAYS TRYING

TO WARN ME ABOUT HER, THAT SHEWAS, YOU KNOW, A LITTLE BIT OFF.

AND SHE WAS ALWAYS, "'MIH IJO,DOES SHE GOT PROBLEMS?"

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

"SHE'S NOT ALL THERE."

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING TO SAY?

"IT'S NOTHING ( bleep )."

I WAS LIKE, "MOM, SHE'S GREAT."

"OH... WATCH."

TWO WEEKS LATER,WE'RE AT THE MALL.

WE'RE TRYING TO FINDTHIS NEW STORE THAT OPENED UP.

SO WHAT DO YOU DO WHEN YOU'REAT THE MALL AND YOU GET LOST?

YOU GO TO INFORMATIONOR THE MALL DIRECTORY, RIGHT?

SO WE CRUISED OVERTO THE MALL DIRECTORY

HAD A LITTLE MAP,HAD A LITTLE CIRCLED DOT

AND INSIDE THE CIRCLED DOTIT SAYS, "YOU ARE HERE."

DO YOU KNOWWHAT MY GIRLFRIEND TOLD ME?

"HOW DO THEY KNOW?"

( laughter )

WHOO! IT'S COOL.

I LOVE NEW YORK

'CAUSE, IF YOU GET LOST,PEOPLE WILL HELP YOU OUT.

SOME PEOPLE WILL.

I WALKED INTO A STOREOVER HERE ON THE CORNER.

I WALKED IN, RIGHT?

I WAS ALL COOL.

( imitating door sensor )

UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR.CAN YOU HELP ME?

I'M TRYING TO GET OVERTO THIS THEATER.

CAN YOU HELP ME OUT?

( Indian accent ):"OH, NO, YOU DIDN'T.

"I KNOW YOU DID NOT COME HERETO MY COUNTER

"WITH NOTHING TO BUY.

( laughter )

"I WANT YOU TO LOOK AT ME.

"LOOK AT ME.

"I AM NOT A DIRECTORY.

"I AM NOT A DIRECTORY.

"YOU SEE MY DOT?

IT DOES NOT SAY,'YOU ARE HERE.'"

MUCH LOVE, YOU GUYS.

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