Roast Battle II - Keith Carey vs. Olivia Grace

Roast Battle II: Night Two - Uncensored Season 2, Ep 6 01/27/2017 Views: 3,356

Keith Carey reveals how Olivia Grace made her DUI even worse, and she fires back with a savage burn about the likelihood that he'll die alone. (6:24)

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[bell dinging]

- Keith calls his feetmom and dad

because he hasn't seen themin years.


- Olivia got a DUIwith me in the car.

She tried to get out of itby showing the cop her tits,

and he upped the chargeto assaulting an officer.


- Uh, yeah, Keith was therefor my DUI arrest,

but no one will be therefor Keith's cardiac arrest.


[chainsaw buzzing]

- Yeah, oh, okay, I'm fat,

but I least I'm fat correctly.

Olivia's the only personwho ever had the cocaine go

straight to her thighs.

You goofy bitch, you look likeAmy Schumer exploded.


- Ugh.

Keith is sucha disgusting sewer monster,

if he swallowed Drano,he'd just cure his sleep apnea.


- Olivia's sisterhas Down's Syndrome,

which means her parentshave two lumpy retards

that aren't gonna livepast 35.

[audience reacts]

- Last joke.

- Keith is so fatand pretentious,

if you say he's got a big ego,he says,

"Uh, it's pronounced Eggo."


- Olivia Grace was rapedby a black man,

and that's terrible,but on the plus side,

now all we owe himis those 40 acres.

[audience reacts]

[bell dinging]

- That's it, first fight,first round.

Keith, Olivia,make it loud.

[cheers and applause]


- Un[bleep] believable wayto start this battle tonight.

Amazing. Give both of thema round of applause.

[cheers and applause]

- Yes. That battle had bars.Whoo. Snickers bars.

- I don't know whether it wasthe eggman or the walrus

that won this one,but...

Which one to coo-cookachoose, Whitney?

- Um, well, first of all,Olivia, I've seen you before.

And I'm so impressed by you.You're 21 years old.

Is that true?- Yeah.

[cheers and applause]

I feel likeI better rush this.

I know you have an abortionto get to.

You remind me a lot of me,like, at 21,

like, just crying insideinstead of outside.

- I'm so glad you noticed.- Yeah, shit's about to get real

in, like, five years, life'sgonna [bleep] you up real bad.

But, um,- Thank you so much.

I love your--you have a levityand I think like all comics,

you use humor to survivereally traumatizing things,

and I admire that about you,and I-I--

- Thank you.- Yeah, thank you, one person.

You're a warrior,and I think it takes joking

about things like this,sometimes,

is the most healing thingthat you can do.

And I admire you.You're a brilliant joke writer.

So sharp. I also lovewhat you do with silences.

You have this kind of, you know,chill vibe about you.

Maybe it's just 'causeyou're so traumatized

and full of sadness.- Probably.

- But it comes offin a really powerful way

that it makes me proudto be a woman,

so I like watching you work.- Thank you.

Keith, I was reading, Keith,that you're a bisexual,

which I assume meansyou need to buy sex.

crowd: Oh!

- All right. Thank--thank youleast funny aunt on Facebook.

- [laughing]

- Wow.[thunder]

It's one of your jokesthat he used.

- No, I got it.No, I got it.

No. No, I'm a huge fanand I was gonna say

just like I admire Olivia'sability to receive those jokes,

your courage to saythose jokes,

that's almostjust as difficult,

so you have [bleep] balls.

I can't--I don't thinkanyone can see them.

But you have them.- He doesn't need them.

- And I admire that.I think both of you

are forcesto be reckoned with.

I am gonna votefor Olivia.

- Ken, what do you think?- This is a great first battle,

and Keith I'm a big fan ofbecause as an actor,

as a performer,I love your delivery.

It's just machine gun.

It's just how I likemy standup,

and I just love how pacedyou are and your delivery, like,

and both of you,I don't know,

you guys were reallygoing at it,

and I thoughtin the very beginning

it was pretty neck and neck,and watching Olivia,

I have a soft spot for youbecause last year,

watching you in the wheelchair,I--just to--I'm sorry.

I would not have donethe [bleep] competition

if I had lacerated my legand getting 35 stitches.

And the fact that you did itlast year,

where in my medical opinion,you probably shouldn't.

like, it's so [bleep] bossto me.

Like, I--and you're only 20.

I later found outyou're only 20.

And I just have so much respectfor you

just person to person.

What I love about you, Olivia,in particular,

you didn't go for justkind of the hacky fat joke.

You went--you did--you wentobstructive sleep apnea,

so as a doctor, that--I got it and I loved it.

You went off the cuffon the cardiac arrest,

at least to me it came offoff the cuff on the DUI.

By like a Chow pubic hair,maybe,

Olivia Grace wins just--but it's so close.

And I--it's so hardto even say it

because both of you got--you're thoroughbreds.

- Damn you, Hacky Chan!- I know, I deserve it.

- I love you both.Olivia Grace, congratulations.

- Olivia Grace wins!