Theo Von - Second Place

Season 3, Ep 0307 06/20/2008 Views: 69,532

We were second place in the civil war! Not bad for a first try. (2:29)

Yes, inde-e-e-ed.

Come on, baby.Keep it going for live comedy.

How about that? Give it up.

Hell, yes.

From the South, man.Anybody else?

Hell, yeah, neighbor.

Rest of you guys knowwhere it is, right?

Lower than the North.

Second place in the Civil War.

What? Not bad. Runner-up.

Not bad for our first try.

And ready for the rematch,North.

Why do you thinkwe reenact it every year?

'Cause we're still practicing.

Man the rivers, bitches.

We got a nice crowd in here,huh?

A lot of white people, huh?


Don't clap for yourselves,white people.

Ya'll are doing just fine.

I like white people, man.

White people are cool.

Hard to stereotype, though.

Other cultures,other ethnicities easier.

Asian people eat foodwith sticks, drive like (bleep).

Good with some signs,like "plus" and "minus."

Bad with others, like "Yield"and "Go," you bastard.

Mexican people either builda Nativity scene

in the dashboard of their car--

hard to U-turn with allthose candles going, Umberto--

or teach their kidsto beat things with sticks

until they get whatthey want out of them,

like piƱatas and tourists.

Black people,either dancing really well

or walking extremely slowlyacross the street.

Hurry up, black people!

You got new shoes on! Go!

Fastest people on Earthunless there's a street.

Giddyup, Zorro!

But I don't blame black people,man.

I'd go slow, too,if I had to wait

for a blinking white guyto say I could walk.

That's wrong, people,and we need to change it.

Make a difference. Be somebody.