Eugene Mirman - 1.28 GPA

Eugene Mirman: An Evening of Comedy in a Fake Underground Laboratory Season 1, Ep 101 12/14/2012 Views: 5,592

If someone says that you don't "appear" to have a learning disability, they might actually mean the exact opposite. (2:19)

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BUT IT HAD ALL THIS AWESOMESTUFF IN IT,

AND THIS IS--I DON'T KNOW HOW IT WAS LIKE

FOR WHEREYOU WENT TO SCHOOL,

BUT WHERE I WENT TO SCHOOL,YOU HAD TO HAVE

A 2.0 GRADE POINT AVERAGE

TO BE ABLE TO LEAVEYOUR CAMPUS

AND GO DOWNTOWNAND START A FAMILY, UH...

AND THIS IS AN OLD LETTERWRITTEN TO MY PARENTS.

I KNOW IT LOOKSLIKE A LETTER, LIKE,

TELLING MY PARENTS I DON'THAVE POLIO OR SOMETHING.

LIKE, YOU KNOW, LIKE, "STOP.EUGENE IS POLIO-FREE.

HE DOES NOT NEED TO GOTO A SANATORIUM."

BUT IT'S ACTUALLYA LETTER THAT SAYS,

"OUR RECORDS INDICATETHAT EUGENE HAS A GPA OF 1.28

AND IS NOT ELIGIBLE TO BE ON HIS OWN."

[laughter and applause]

THIS IS A HANDWRITTEN LETTERTO MY PARENTS

FROM MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR--WHEN PEOPLE STILL USED HANDS.

AND IT SAYS,"HE IS OF AVERAGE

"TO ABOVE-AVERAGE ABILITY

AND DOES NOT APPEAR TO HAVEA LEARNING DISABILITY."

[laughter]

I THINK IF SOMETHING SAYS

YOU DON'T APPEAR TO HAVEA LEARNING DISABILITY,

IT LITERALLY MEANS

YOU APPEAR TO HAVEA LEARNING DISABILITY.

IF SOMEONE--THEY'RE LIKE,"WE CAN'T TELL IF YOUR SON

"ACTS LIKE HE'S DISABLEDOR HE IS DISABLED.

"SO WE DON'T KNOW.

"HE'S DOING THE SAMEAS A PERSON

WITH A LEARNING DISABILITY.

LIKE, NO ONE SAYS,"HE DOESN'T APPEAR TO."

YOU KNOWWHO DOESN'T APPEAR TO?

STEVE JOBS.NOBODY'S LIKE, "THAT GUY--"

HE DOESN'T APPEAR TO,SO NOBODY BRINGS IT UP.

HE DOESN'T APP--YES, I APPEAR TO.

I APPEAR TO HAVEA LEARNING DISABILITY.

DO I?WHO KNOWS?

I DID SPEND SIX YEARSIN SPECIAL ED.

ANYWAY...

[laughter]

I DON'T KNOW WHAT CLASSTHIS WAS FOR,

BUT THIS IS A BIRTHDAY CARD

FOR A CLASS THAT SAYS,"HAPPY 100th BIRTHDAY."

THEN YOU OPEN IT,AND IT SAYS,

"TOO BAD YOU'RENOT AROUND TO SEE IT."

IT'S--IT'S A DRAWINGOF A GRAVEYARD,

AND IT SAYS,"REST IN PEACE, JOSEPH SMITH,"

THE FOUNDEROF THE MORMON CHURCH.

I'M NOT SURE WHY I WAS LIKE,"[bleep] YOU, MORMONISM.

"YOU'RE TOO RECENTTO EVEN BE PLAUSIBLE.

I'M A CHILD, AND I KNOW THIS."