Rick Cleveland - Dinner Chitchat

Rick Cleveland's My Buddy Bill Season 1, Ep 0101 02/07/2008 Views: 152

During a double date with the Clintons, Rick Cleveland and his wife learn about the Secret Service's codenames for the president and first lady. (3:48)

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AND BILL LOOKS AT US AND SAYS,"HILLARY'S CODENAME

"USED TO BE 'HUBBA,'BACK WHEN MINE WAS 'BUBBA'.BUT SHE DIDN'T LIKE IT,

SO SHE MADE THEM CHANGE IT.""IT'S NOT THAT I DIDN'T LIKE IT,

IT'S JUST THAT IT DIDN'TMAKE ANY SENSE," HILLARY SAYS.

"OH, IT MADE SENSE. THAT IS,IF YOU HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR."

[LAUGHTER AND OH'S]

"I HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR,FAT BOY."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

HILLARY LOOKS AT MARY AND SAYS,

"BILL'S CODENAMEUSED TO BE 'FAT BOY'

BUT HE DIDN'T LIKE IT,SO HE MADE THEM CHANGE IT."

"FAT, F-A-T, OR PHAT,P-H-A-T?" MARY ASKS.

- BECAUSE...- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

MARY'S COOL."F-A-T," HILLARY TELLS HER.

"AFTER THE ATOMIC BOMBOR BECAUSE YOU WERE PACKING ON

A COUPLE OF EXTRA POUNDS?""BECAUSE HE'S FAT,"

- HILLARY SAYS.- [LAUGHTER]

"DON'T GET ME STARTED, HILL.""DON'T GET ME STARTED, BILL."

MARY AND I EXCHANGE A LOOK.THIS IS [BLEEP] WEIRD.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THIS IS JUST LIKEBEING OUT WITH ALL OUROTHER MARRIED FRIENDS

WHEN THEY'RE FIGHTING,ONLY THIS IS WORSE BECAUSE

IT'S THE PRESIDENTAND THE FIRST LADY

AND THIS IS OURFIRST DOUBLE DATE.

[LAUGHTER]

BY THIS TIME,MARY IS JUST ABOUT FINISHED

WITH HER SECOND GLASS OF MERLOTAND I'M ON MY THIRD COKE.

AND I JUST BLURT OUT,"YOU KNOW,

"IF YOU TAKE THE NAME OFTHE FIRST PET YOU EVER HAD

"AS YOUR FIRST NAME ANDTHE NAME OF THE FIRST STREET

"YOU EVER LIVED ONAS YOUR LAST NAME,

- THEN YOU GET YOUR PORNO NAME."- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

I CAN'T BELIEVEI JUST SAID THAT.

MARY LOOKS AT MELIKE I'M A COMPLETE IDIOT.

BUT THEN I CAN SEE BILLMENTALLY TRYING TO FIGURE IT OUT

- IN HIS HEAD.- [LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

EITHER WHAT HIS PORNO NAME ISOR MAYBE WHAT HER PORNO NAME IS.

AND THAT'S WHEN HILLARY SAYS,"CAN WE CHANGE THE SUBJECT?"

OBVIOUSLY, SHE KNOWSWHAT HER PORNO NAME IS.

BUT SHE DOESN'TFEEL LIKE SHARING.

THE REST OF OUR DINNERWITH THE CLINTON'S

IS MORE OR LESS UNEVENTFUL.ON OUR WAY HOME MARY SAYS,

"I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT MANCHEATED ON HER WITH AN INTERN.

"IF YOU'RE THEPRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES

"AND YOU FEEL LIKE HAVING SEXWITH SOMEONE BESIDES YOUR WIFE,

AT LEAST HAVE THE DECENCYTO DO IT WITH A GROWNUP."

[LAUGHTER]

"LIKE WHO?" I ASK."SHARON STONE," MARY SAYS.SHE SAYS IT LIKE,

- WHO ELSE BUT?- [LAUGHTER]

AND I GO,"WHAT ABOUT MEG RYAN?"MARY LOOKS AT ME

AND SAYS, "MEG RYAN? THAT'S WHOYOU WOULD HAVE SEX WITH?"

[LAUGHTER]

I KNOW THERE'S NOGOOD ANSWER...

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

SO I SAY, "YEAH, I MEAN,IF I WAS THE PRESIDENT,

WHY NOT?"MARY LOOKS AT ME AND SAYS,

"THERE'S NO WAYSHE WOULD [BLEEP] YOU."

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS & APPLAUSE]

AND I GO,"BUT I'M THE PRESIDENT."AND SHE GOES,