Mario Cantone - Italians

  • Season 2 , Ep 9
  • 07/16/1999
  • Views: 5,498

AND YOU CAN JUST SEEBY THE MOVIES THAT THEY MAKE

LIKE, YOU KNOW, MOONSTRUCK--THAT'S A PIECE OF CRAP.

I'M SORRY. CHER...

LET ME JUST SAYCHER HAS AN OSCAR.

CHER HAS AN OSCAR.

PUT A KNIFE IN MY TEMPLERIGHT NOW.

THE ONLY ONE THAT CAN MAKEA GOOD ITALIAN-AMERICAN MOVIE

IS MARTIN SCORSESE'CAUSE HE'S FROM NEW YORK.

HE KNOWS IT.HE KNOWS IT.

HE KNOWS IT.

HE JUST KNOWS IT.

AND THE SOPRANOSIS BRILLIANT, TOO.

( cheering )IT'S JUST... THEY...

IT'S BRILLIANT.

IT'S ON THE MONEY, YOU KNOW?

BELIEVE ME, I KNOW.

( shudders )

AND IF YOU MEET A TAN ITALIAN

THAT'S BORN AND BREDIN LOS ANGELES...

I MET THIS GIRL AFTER THE SHOWONE TIME

SHE WAS LIKE, "HI, HOW ARE YOU?

"MY NAME IS CHRISTY.IT'S REALLY NICE TO MEET YOU.

"I LOVED YOUR SHOW!IT'S EXCELLENT.

"YOU'RE SO TALENTED.

"IT WAS REALLY GOOD.I LOVED IT.

"GOD.

"IT WAS SO GOOD,AND I RELATED TO IT

"'CAUSE I'M TOTALLY ITALIAN.

"I AM, I'M ALL ITALIAN.

"I AM, TOO.

"I AM, TOO!

"I CAN'T BELIEVEYOU DON'T BELIEVE ME.

I'M ITALIAN!"

"I AM. I'M ITALIAN.

"I-I CAN PROVE IT TO YOU.

"I-I-I-I KNOW ITALIAN WORDS.

"OKAY, I WILL PROVE TO YOUTHAT I AM ITALIAN.

"I WILL USE AN ITALIAN WORDAND I WILL USE IT IN A SENTENCE.

'WOULD YOU LIKESOME MARINARA SAUCE?'"

SEE, NOW, THE GUYS

WHERE I GREW UP,YOU KNOW THEY'RE ITALIAN.

I MEAN, ESPECIALLYON THE EAST COAST.

THE EAST COAST ITALIANSARE LIKE...

THEY COME UP TO YOU LIKE...

( goofy laughing )

HOW YOU DOIN'?

WHATCH YOUR NAME?WHATCH YOUR NAME?

WHATCH YOUR NAME?WHATCH YOUR NAME?

WHATCH YOUR NAME?WHATCH YOUR NAME?

WHATCH YOUR NAME?WHATCH YOUR NAME?

WHATCH YOUR ( bleep )ING NAME?

WHATCH YOUR NAME?

WHAT IS IT?TELL ME.

TELL ME,WHAT IS IT?

WHAT IS IT?WHAT IS IT?

TINA. HOW YOUDOIN', TINA?

WHERE YOU FROM?YOU FROM HERE?

YOU FROM HERE? YOU FROM HERE?YOU FROM HERE?

YOU FROM HERE?YOU FROM HERE? YOU FROM HERE?

WHERE YOU FROM?LONG ISLAND?

SURE. OVER THERE.OVER THERE.

OVER THERE. OVER THERE.OVER THERE.

WHAT DO YOU...?WHO'S THAT?

WHO'S THAT?MY BOYFRIEND.

( burps )

THAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?

THAT'S YOUR BOYFRIEND?

YEAH?WHAT'S YOUR NAME, PAL?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?WHAT'S YOUR NAME?

WHAT'S YOUR NAME?ANTHONY.

ANTHONY?

( goofy laugh )

YOU ITALIAN?

LITTLE BIT, LITTLE BIT?

NO? CAN I ASKYOU SOMETHING?

TINA, IF YOU WASTO LOOK AT ME...

WE DON'T KNOW EACH OTHER, RIGHT?

I DON'T KNOW YOU,YOU DON'T KNOW ME...

WE JUST DON'T KNOW.

SO, IF YOU WASTO LOOK AT ME

WHAT WOULD YOU THINKMY NAME WOULD BE?

JUST OFF THE CUFFOF YOUR HEAD.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?ANSWER, ANSWER.

COME ON,GIMME A BREAK.

JOEY.JOEY? NO.

IT'S NOT JOEY.

THINK, THINK, THINK.

ONE MORE, WHAT DO YOU THINK?

ANTHONY? NO,THAT'S HIM.

WHAT ARE YOU, ( bleep )ED UP?!

NO, THAT'S HIM!

ANTHONY!

IT'S NOT SOME STUPID...

HEY, I DON'T LIKE STEREOTYPES.

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHINGRIGHT NOW.

I DON'T LIKE STEREOTYPES.

I DON'T LIKE THEM.

IT'S NOT STUPIDLIKE ANTHONY OR TONY, NO.

IT'S ANGELO.

'S A GOOD NAME,'S A GOOD NAME, RIGHT?

'S A GOOD NAME.

ALL RIGHT,LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.

JUST LIKE, YOU KNOW,AS A HYPOTHETICAL THING, OKAY.

ANTHONY'S DEAD. I KILLED HIM.JUST PRETEND.

ALL RIGHT, JUST FOR A SECOND,JUST GO WITH ME.

I ICE-PICKED HIM INTHE FRIGGIN' HEARTAND THE EYES; HE'S DEAD.

AND THEN I COME TO YOU, GO,"TINA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

"IF I COULD TAKE YOU ANYWHERESYOU WANT TO GO...

"IF I COULD TAKE YOU ANYWHERESYOU WANT TO GO--

"ANYWHERES, ANYWHERES--WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO?

"WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO?ANYWHERE.

"JUST THINK.WHERE WOULD YOU WANT TO GO?

ANYWHERES YOU WANT TO GO.WHERE DO YOU WANT TO GO?"

EUROPE.

EUROPE?

NO, I MEAN,LIKE FRIGGIN' LOCALLY.

SHE WANTS TO GO...

I MEAN, LIKE SBARRO'S OR WENDY'SOR SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

WHAT ARE YOU, OUT OF YOUR MIND?

LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING:DUMP HIM

BECAUSE I'M BETTER FOR YOU.

I COULD GIVE YOU MULTIPLEORGANISMS LIKE YOU DON'T KNOW.

I'D MAKE YOU SHAKELIKE A DISHWASHER ON A BAD DAY.

( laughs goofily )

ALL RIGHT, I GOT TO GO

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOW HOW TO GETOUT OF THIS FRICKIN' CHARACTER.

YOU GUYS HAVE BEEN GREAT.THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

I HAD A GREAT TIME.THANKS SO MUCH.

[Captioning sponsored by RICKMILL PRODUCTIONS

Loading...