Bo Burnham - Beauty in the World

Bo Burnham: Words, Words, Words Season 1, Ep 101 10/16/2010 Views: 206,894

There's a good reason why Bo Burnham broke up with his girlfriend. (1:47)

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THANK YOU. MY... MY EX-GIRFRIENDHAD A REALLY WEIRD FETISH.

SHE USED TO LIKE TO DRESS UPAS HERSELF

AND THEN ACT LIKEA (bleep) BITCH ALL THE TIME.

(laughter)

BUT YOU KNOW,THEY SAY IF YOU WANNA KNOW

WHAT A GIRL'S GONNA LOOK LIKE,LOOK AT HER MOTHER,

YOU KNOW, SO I'M SO GLADI BROKE UP WITH HER,

'CAUSE SHE WOULD'VE BEEN,YOU KNOW...

DEAD.

(laughter and groaning)

GUYS, I'M A REALIST!I'M A REALIST.

I TRY NOT TO ROMANTICIZEREALITY.

YOU KNOW, LIKE WHEN LIFEGIVES YOU LEMONS,

YOU PROBABLYJUST FOUND LEMONS.

BUT AT THE SAME TIME,

I DON'T DENY THE BEAUTYIN THE WORLD

'CAUSE THERE IS SO MUCH BEAUTY,BECAUSE LIFE

CAN BE SO SYMMETRICAL,

IT GIVES BIRTH TO THISALMOST SILENT POETRY,

YOU KNOW, LIKE A HERMAPHRODITEPLAYING THE KEYTAR,

OR A YOUNG AMISH BOY TRYING TOBLOW OUT THE LIGHT BULBS

ON HIS BIRTHDAY CAKE,

OR A GIRL--A GIRLWHO'S TERRIBLE AT GRAMMAR

SAYING, "MAMA,YOU RAISED ME GOOD."

AND THEN BEING PUSHEDDOWN A WELL.

SYMMETRY.

HERE'S SOME RACIAL HUMORFOR YOU.

WHITE PEOPLE ARE LIKE THIS--"EH."

BLACK PEOPLE ARE LIKE THIS--"WHA."

WE'RE DESTINED TO FIGHT FOREVER.BLOOD IN THE STREETS.

(laughter)

IF I HAD A DIME--HA!

IF I HAD A DIME FOR EVERY TIMEA HOMELESS GUY

ASKED ME FOR CHANGE,I'D STILL SAY, "NO."

(laughter)

NO. NOPE.

YO' MAMA SO FAT!YO' MAMA SO UGLY!

YO' MAMA SO STUPID!

YOUR MOTHER'S BREASTS SAGWITH SUCH SEVERITY

THAT THE LATE GREATSURREALIST ARTIST SALVADOR DALI

MISTOOK THEM FOR CLOCKS.

(laughter and applause)