Lizz Winstead - Gay Marriage

  • Season 9 , Ep 2
  • 10/07/2004
  • Views: 3,422

Lizz Winstead advises the gay community. (2:35)

BUT AT LEAST BUSH HAS HIS

PRIORITIES STRAIGHT.

DON'T YA THINK?

IT'S NOT PUTTING MORE POISON

INTO THE WATER THAT'S RUINING

OUR ENVIRONMENT, IT'S THOSE

[BLEEP] EXTREMISTS WHO WANT

TO GET MARRIED AND HAVE HEALTH

INSURANCE.

SOMEBODY'S STOP THEM!

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S CRAZY.

THE DEFENSE OF MARRIAGE ACT.

WHY?

BECAUSE GAY MARRIAGE RUINS THE

DIGNITY OF STRAIGHT MARRIAGE.

LOOK.

[LAUGHTER]

THE SECOND THE ERECTED THE

SECOND ELVIS CHAPEL IN VEGAS

AND STRAIGHT COUPLES FLOCKED

THERE TO BE MARRIED BY AN ELVIS

IMPERSONATOR WITH A MUSTARD

STAIN ON HIS JUMPSUIT, DIGNITY

SHOULD BE REMOVED FROM THE

DIALOGUE.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

BUT I THINK IN THE GAY

MARRIAGE AREA, I THINK THAT

THE GAY COMMUNITY NEEDS TO TAKE

A PAGE FROM THE BUSH CLEAR SKIES

THING.

I THINK YOU NEED TO CREATE A

SITUATION WHERE ALL THESE

HOMOPHOBES IN CONGRESS THINK

THAT THE GAY MARRIAGE

AMENDMENT'S GONNA WORK FOR THEM.

'CAUSE REALLY, HERE'S WHAT

HAPPENS WHEN YOU'RE RICK

SANTORUMS AND YOUR TOM DELAYS

AND EVERY OTHER COOK BAG THAT'S

IN THERE HEARS THE WORDS GAY

MARRIAGE, THEY DRAW A MENTAL

IMAGE OF GUYS HAVING--

TWO MEN HAVING SEX EVERYWHERE.

FRONT LAWNS, NURSERY SCHOOL

PARKING LOTS, IT DOESN'T

MATTER WHERE.

THAT'S WHAT THEY PICTURE,

BUMPING, BUMPING, BUMPING,

TWO WHITE GUYS, THEY CAN'T

STAND IT.

BECAUSE YOU KNOW IF THEY

PICTURES TWO WOMEN HAVING SEX

IT WOULD ALREADY BE IN THE

CONSTITUTION.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

SO HERE'S WHAT I THINK.

I THINK THAT INTRODUCING GAY

MARRIAGE SHOULD BE CALLED

"THE STRAIGHT GUY WISH

FULFILLMENT INITIATIVE".

[LAUGHTER]

SO THAT'S THE SHINY OBJECT FOR

THE HOMOPHOBES, "REALLY?

WHAT'S THAT?

SHINY, SHINY OBJECT."

SO THAT THEN THEY'LL THINK HOT

LESBIANS WILL BE NUDE

SUNBATHING RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO

THEM LIKE IN EVERY HOUSE,

RIGHT?

SO CONGRESSMAN CREEP-A-ZOID,

DOWN LOADER OF GERMAN PORN CAN

BE GOING, "HEE-HEE-HEEE."

AND MEANWHILE GAY MARRIED

PEOPLE CAN JUST GO TO PTA

MEETINGS AND SIGN OFF ON HEALTH

INSURANCE PLANS.

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

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