Jake Johannsen - Colonic

Abel, Zito, Ferrara Season 2, Ep 20 05/17/1993 Views: 1,529

Jake felt creepy and embarrassed after his colonic. (2:28)

A while back, a friendof mine convinced me

that I'd feel even betterif I had a-- a colonic.


And I said, I thinkyou're projecting.

But, she says, no, butseriously, seriously, you

will feel-- It'llchange your life.

Which is I guess it's kind ofa testament to how my life is

going that I was so easilyconvinced that it could be

improved by lettinga stranger rinse

my tract, which,that's what they do.

Well, first, you haveto make an appointment.

And so I-- I-- Imake the appointment

and I go down there.

And they have this--you know, you go.

And there's a reception.You fill out a form.

And then they have this new agemusic playing, which kind of

gives you a littlesense of security.

You start to relax.

Oh, this is going tobe-- kind of nice.

And then, you, wait a minute.

That's what they want--from me to relax,

so they can snake melike a clogged drain.

And I can't, I can't, I can'tremember exactly the name

of the-- the name of myperson, my colon hygienist.

Oh, it's freaky.

She comes out.

I was a little relaxed when Isaw her, because she was kind

of a mellow person with--I don't remember her name

exactly-- I can't evenremember her name.

But it was one ofthose California names,

like Rainbow orSunshine-- one of those

don't trust her withyour checkbook names.

Anyway, and at thatpoint, I hadn't even

allowed myself to consider thepossibility that it might not

be a woman to performthe procedure on me.

Anyway, so shesays, don't worry.

You will be cleansedphysically, mentally,

and emotionally by thisprocedure, which I thought

was pretty grandiosetalk for a butt janitor.

Anyway, I'll, I'll spareyou some of the details.

Basically, they,they hook you up

to this wall-mounted fire hose.

And then they fill you up anddrain you out a few times,

and then by change in themachine, like from hello

to good bye.

And then-- then, youknow, the person leaves.

And you get it together,pull your clothes on,

and you walk out.

But you have to go throughthe reception room, where the,

you know, the clerk givesyou one of those big smiles,

you know, well, Ibet you feel better.

And, you know, andso all I can do

is give her the stupid smileback and go, oh, yes, lighter.

But really, all I felt waslike creepy and embarrassed.

But better now that I'vetold you, of course.

Um, anyway, I'm going to goahead and start, start the rest