Drew Fraser - Government Drugs

  • Season 9 , Ep 9
  • 03/31/2005
  • Views: 6,654

LOTTA THINGS GOING DOWN,

A LOTTA THINGS IS CRAZY NOW.

THE WAR ON DRUGS.

YOU DON'T HEAR ABOUT THE WAR ON

DRUGS ANY MORE.

REMEMBER THE WAR ON DRUGS,

IN THE '80s?

THE WAR ON DRUGS.

"JUST SAY NO."

NOW YOU DON'T HEAR ABOUT THAT.

YOU KNOW WHY?

NOW, THE GOVERNMENT IS THE

BIGGEST DRUG DEALER EVER.

THE GOVERNMENT SELL MORE DRUGS

THAN ANY DRUG DEALER COULD

EVER SELL IN THEIR LIVES.

BELIEVE ME WHEN I TELL YOU.

[APPLAUSE]

OVER-THE-COUNTER PRESCRIPTION

DRUGS-- THEY'D SELL YOU DRUGS,

YOU WON'T EVEN KNOW IF YOU

SUPPOSED TO TAKE ĂșEM OR NOT.

ALL YOU KNOW IS, YOU'RE LYING

IN BED WATCHING TV.

"DO YOU FEEL TIRED?

DO YOU FEEL SLUGGISH?

DO YOU FEEL LIKE NOT GOING

TO WORK TODAY?"

AND YOU'RE LYING THERE LIKE,

"YEAH, I DON'T."

[LAUGHTER]

"WELL, MAYBE YOU NEED

YAKAYAKAYAKAMAKA."

AND YOU'RE LYING THERE LIKE

"MAYBE I DO NEED

YAKAYAKAYAKAMAKA."

[LAUGHTER]

FELLAS, THEY GOT A PILL

OUT THERE TO HELP A MAN KEEP

AN ERECTION FOR EIGHT HOURS.

WHO THE HELL WANT A [BLEEP]

PENIS FOR EIGHT HOURS?!

EVERY MAN IN HERE KNOW THE

AVERAGE VAGINA ONLY STAYS READY

FOR 30 MINUTES.

AFTER A WHILE, YOU AIN'T MAKING

LOVE, YOU'RE BUILDING A CAMPFIRE

IN THE [BLEEP] ROOM.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

THAT AIN'T THE SWEET SMELL OF

LOVE IN THE AIR.

THAT'S BURNING FLESH RIGHT ABOUT

NOW.

AND FOR EVERY PILL, THEY ALL

HAVE THE SAME SIDE EFFECTS,

AM I RIGHT?

RUNNY NOSE, NAUSEA, AND

DIARRHEA.

NOW, I DON'T KNOW ABOUT Y'ALL.

BUT TO ME, DIARRHEA'S NOT

A SIDE EFFECT.

THAT'S A WHOLE 'NOTHER MAJOR

PROBLEM.

NOW FELLAS, YOU TAKE THE PILL.

YOUR PENIS IS ROCK [BLEEP].

YOUR NOSE IS RUNNING,

YOUR STOMACH HURTS, AND YOU

SMELL LIKE [BLEEP].

NOW, NOBODY WANNA [BLEEP] YOU

ANYWAY.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

YOU GOT WOMEN RUNNING AWAY FROM

YOU.

"HEY, WHERE YOU GOING?

[GAS]

"DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT THIS.

[GAS CONTINUES] THAT'S GONNA GO

AWAY.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT THAT.

LOOK AT THIS.

LOOK AT THE SHINE ON THIS THING.

LOOK AT THE CURVE ON IT.

[GAS] THAT'S GONNA GO AWAY.

LOOK AT THIS RIGHT HERE!

[GAS CONTINUES]

LOOK AT THIS.

CONCENTRATE ON THIS!

LOOK AT THIS."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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