Brian Regan - Lost Baggage

Brian Regan: Standing Up Season 1, Ep 1 06/09/2007 Views: 22,723

If you've lost your bag at the airport, the guy behind the counter can provide all the essentials. (3:09)

So I had, um, I had to gothrough the security obviously.

And they had the x-ray area.

I don't mind goin' through it,but I get tiredof the businessmen...

who make way too big a dealout of their computers.

You ever hear of these people?"Excuse me, I have a computer.

I have a computer here.I don't know how you're gonnahandle this-- my computer."

"Oh, is he from the future?"

They've been around awhile, pal.I think they have a way tohandle your computation machine.

I wanna do thatwith an Etch A Sketch,you know?

Just do it,see what happens.Excuse me, my laptop.

What's that?Need to see it work?Okay.

Wanna see the screen change?

That's a staircase.

So the airlinelost my bag,temporarily.

Had to go into thatbaggage claim office.

Boy, that must bea wonderful place to work.

Every single person thatcomes in, you have to go,"Uh, lemme guess. You're angry?

"Okay. Angry people here,livid people here.

"Stay organized. Angry, livid,those who wanna ring my neck.

Let's stay organized."

So I know it's gotta be hardfor them, you know?

So-- Y--I'm tryin' not to betoo upset.

But it's hard not to be.They lost your bag.

But you gotta squelch it,or they won't do anythingfor you.

You gotta go in,"Hey, how ya doin'?


"Yeah. Oh, uh, my bag?

"Yeah, I gave it to you guysa few hours ago and--

"And it ain't spinnin' aroundon that thing.

So I was wonderin'what kind of hell on EarthI should prepare for."

"Well, hopefullyit'll be on the next flight.

"If not, it'll come inon tomorrow morning's flight.

We'll deliver it to your hotel.In the meantime, you don't needto worry. I have this."

He reaches under the counter,hands me a little bag this bigwith a zipper on the top.

And it says,"Essentials kit."

"Oh, these are the essentials.

"Then I over packed.

"I thought I neededall that stuff I meticulouslyput in my suitcase.

I stand corrected."

They have the gall--If that was really anessentials kit, if you had one,

you'd never need togo to work again.

"Whatever happened to Harry?""Oh, he don't need us.

"He happened uponan essentials kit.

He opened it up.It was filled with food,shelter and love!"