RETURN OCTOBER 2014
Believe half of the story.
If you meet a guy todayand he tells you he's a cop,
he's lying, believe half.
He's a security guard.
I know, I tell girlsI was in the Navy.
Believe half-- I usedto work at Old Navy.
And my brother,my brother got a tattoo.
He got his pictureof his kids on his back.
I asked him,"Why'd you get that for?"
He goes, "Because I cantake their pictures
everywhere I go now."
I told him, "You shouldhave bought a wallet.
That's how we are,Mexicans are proud people.
You ever see a Mexicanwith a tattoo of an Indian?
You ask himwhat tribe is he from.
"I don't know, bro, I seen thatmovie Apoc-ta-lypto."
We're the only people like that.
Right, you never seea white guy with a pilgrim.
You never seean Italian girl with Snookie.
Never happen, right?
You'll never see a Cubanwith a life raft.
And I voted for Obama--clap if you voted for Obama.
I know Obama's notdoing so good right now.
I think Obama should just havea big-ass press conference
and say, "You know what America?
"I'm sorry I've been messing up,
but I was molested."